I Really Do Not Matter

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Forgotten_Man, May 25, 2012.

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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Happy day, I learned that I now have the green flag to kill myself. You see on another forum someone posted a bunch of Suicide Documentaries. Funny thing is that I am out of the age range those videos are meant for. Oh that is a happy day for me. Because now I am allowed to die and no one will care, literally. Because I am not a youthful human anymore. So when I die people will just shrug their shoulders and fill in the necessary data points.

    Further more these documentaries have shown me that I am not your typical suicidal person anyway. All the people in these documentaries have people they can trust and reach out too, in real life. Only the truly worthless, like myself have no one and nothing. Maybe that is one reason I refuse to ge therapy. Because it just revalidates how empty and meaningless I am. The only way I can get people to care about me, in real life, is to pay them. What better reason to prove I am human trash?

    Granted watching these has made my days slow down. Now it is going to seem like even longer before my cat dies. Now that I am in the official statistic range I can die without any need to worry.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I will care if you die and i know others here will care too just remember you are so important and you do Matter hugs
     
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Maybe I am a greedy asshole... however I wish someone near by would miss me.
     
  4. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    I wish I always had the right thing to say. Even if you feel like no one around you wouldn't miss you, what about the friends you have on here? Age doesn't matter. Shouldn't matter. Everyone is worth living and saving if they don't feel like they should live. I don't know you, but of you'd like, you can message me whenever. I will listen and try to help if I can.
     
  5. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    So what was on some website was enough to give a green light? It is JUST the Internet...
    I suggest doing some research and listening. Age has nothing to do with whether or not people will care. People will care, and it will hurt them. As much energy as goes into contemplating the demise could go into developing relationships. I hope that doesn't sound mean - I care or I wouldn't be posting. My wife's waiting for me to get offline so we can go eat dinner, and responding to you right now is far more important than her pacing the floor waiting on me. :)
     
  6. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @pickwithaustin:I find whatever justification I can to kill myself. I have plenty of other reasons. This is just one more reason. Do not worry about sounding mean. I have said a similar thing to my roommate about working out. Yeah I am a freaking hypocrite. Yet one more reason to die. I have reached out... you know.. just once I want to meet someone who cares in real life... just once... someone I do not have to pay. None of my family cares. They are all absorbed in their own lives.

    I hope you did not keep your wife waiting too long.. then again.. damn you guys eat early... Anyway, I am definitely reaching my limit with internet support... As I fall further.. the tolerance just keeps building up...

    @Lady Byron: It is always a sweet offer to hear about messaging... but I do not know what to say... all my words get put out in posts... I have so much I can say... maybe after I do some website work I will send you a message about the one thing I need to be cured. I know what that one thing is because when I had it I was off the forum for 3 years. I know it makes me not worth saving. I do my best to stay alive for my online friends... but I hear from so many so rarely.. that I start to wonder if they would miss me... especially those who stopped talking to me till I got Facebook.
     
  7. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni


    I'm generally too busy all day to eat, so my first meal of the day is usually dinner. 4pm CST, plus places are not very crowded so it's good and quiet. I don't like crowds. As for meeting people to relate to, have you tried peer support? NAMI has support groups all over the place and I co-facilitate one here - people tend to make good relationships at them over time.
     
  8. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    You know though, I don't have many friends in life, the only people I really care about are here. And to me, it means more because the people on here actually want to help, and they listen really really well. And it doesn't matter what you message me, I will listen to whatever you feel you have to say. It really does help sometimes. And I agree! It is just the Internet and people say and post mean shit cause there are shitty people out there.
     
  9. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni


    Virtual friends can be great. I have a friend I met through a guitar forum group who is a great pal. We have never met in person, but we are good friends now and have sent one another guitar parts and what not, and if he ever needed anything (help), I would be right there for him. The same in reverse is true. He's a real stand up guy. Actually, I've a bunch of friends like that. I would care greatly if any of them had anything happen to them... as much so as for a friend I know off line. So yes, what you're saying is totally in line and I hope Forgotten Man can establish such friendships on and/or offline as well. Many here are seemingly very good people, so here's a great starting point.
     
  10. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @Lady Byron: One major problem I have is I am not sure if I want help anymore....I mean... all I ever do is... well nothing.. anyway I will PM you shortly after this post.

    @pickwithaustin: I have tried going out and joining clubs. It is a pretty futile effort on my part. All the time I just end up hiding in the corner until whatever is done. I also hate being forced to share and be a part of something... that is just me though. Maybe I am just pathetic. I am pretty sensitive when it comes to stuff like this.
     
  11. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    i would be sad if you go FM...:arms:
     
  12. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Then I guess I need to make sure I have a mysterious net disapperance.
     
  13. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No hun no mysterious net disappearance just keep reaching out here to your friends ok hugs
     
  14. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    no,no,no...
    (typng one handed stll here since surgery)

    have you ever had some assertiveness and/or self esteem training FM?
    it might help you to feel better about yourself

    i did a couple a courses once and they help giv you confidence :hug:
     
  15. Gimiq

    Gimiq Well-Known Member

    So diggin the anime lookin pick definetly worth the bytes to display. Sounds like your a techy. I did 3 years in the military as an electronics tech. Also I want to know what kept you stable for 3 years cuase maybe it willhelp me. I hace more to say but I dunno if its the right thing to say.
     
  16. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @total eclipse: Then I am at an impass.. I mean... no one wants me to die... so isn't it better to think I just got better and moved on?

    @IV2010: No I have not, I know how to assert myself. I have done it plenty of times when forced into a leadership position. 100% of the time people hated me more afterwards. I am just going to stay focused in my nice, invisible triangle prison until I die

    @Gimiq: What kept me stable was a regular sex life. No pills, no therapy, just having a female help me ejaculate. Now that it is gone I am miserable. That is how pathetic I am.
     
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