I really don't know what I'm living for

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jackfoo123, Nov 9, 2009.

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  1. jackfoo123

    jackfoo123 Member

    I didnt know that I will get to the point of writting here for help. Last time I used to think if you want to die just go and do it its so straight forward, but now one step before suicide I felt very scared, the image of that little happy times that I once had comes to my mind.

    Due to some illness I wasnt able to even support myself right now much less pursue my childhood dream. My family always criticise me saying that I used my health problem as a weapon to suck living expenses from them and it hurts me so much. I cut all connection with my real friends for about 6 years ago when I first got my health problem.

    1 month ago, I prepared almost everything for my suicide because I lost all purpose of my life. Then 2 weeks ago, my only friend that I got to know from the internet for 2 yrs came from oversea to my country to stay for a short while. We met for the first time and had good feelings for each other. We met a few times and she even ask me whether I want to be her bf.

    At that time I thought Im just gonna put all my remaining strength and persevere to fix up my life. But then just now she said she is attached. So sick of life, I dont know what am I living for...

    Please dont say hang on for awhile more cos I already endured for 6 yrs and dont say my family cares about me cos they said that if I want to commit suicide then go ahead. Felt so tired.
     
  2. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    You live for you. Lots of us have been hurting, some for years, some a lifetime. Yesterday I wanted to kill myself; like often. But I don't do it, because as empty as it is, we live for ourselves. And all the evil you've been made, you can talk it out here. We're all on the same boat.
     
  3. jackfoo123

    jackfoo123 Member

    Thanks for your reply missiontohell. Looks like I am outcast here, you are the only one replying to me. I shouldnt have started the post if I knew ppl dont care. I guess senior members get all the attention. I regretted coming here.
     
  4. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Wow...your family said "Go ahead" if you wanted to commit suicide....no offence but that just sounds really fucked in itself. And I have to agree with missiontohell, we live for ourselves in the hope that there may be something around the corner, something better...I'm sorry to here about your relationship. I myself haven't had a relationship before, Anxieties tend to smash the shit out of that possiblity among other things :(. All I can say is try to keep hope, 6 yrs is a long time to feel this way but try to think you have X amount of years of happiness that can turn up. Keep posting here if it helps and keep safe :).
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums!! Don't discount the replies.. Sometimes when your new they take a little while to be forthcoming.. I think if you stay around you will see alot more replies..The same thing happened to me when I forst started posting.. I still get very few PM's but I deal with it by telling myself if I can help just one person then I do make a difference..I have been fighting depression and SI since I was thirteen when I made my first attempt..I am fifty two now and still fight them,.. But my meds and therapy have helped me stay stable.. It took years for them to find the right combination of meds for me..Don't give up, you can fight this!!
     
  6. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    Welcome :hug:
     
  7. jackfoo123

    jackfoo123 Member

    Thank you LongRoad95, Stranger1 and Rukia for your reply. I have read the replies and got to know that you all are fighting hard to live on. Just want to know where you all get your emotional support from. Like when you were so down is there anything that makes you feel better? Like the happy times you had in the past or when you know that you still have your children so you got to have a sense of purpose in living rather than just trying to stay a life each day.
     
  8. whitesecret

    whitesecret New Member

    Thats your problem you give a shit what other people think. Worry about yourself and fuck the rest...
    You got 1 life don't let someone else control it..
     
  9. jackfoo123

    jackfoo123 Member

    Of course I care whether ppl reply, because if they dont then why post here right? I'm here for advice and encouragement. whitesecret you are quite a rude fellow, pls dont post here if u got nothing good to say.
     
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I personally live for my daughter and grandaughter..Now I have a dog and he is my constant companion..Where ever I go he follows..If I lay down he jumps up on the bed and lays down also.. When he figures I have slept long enough he jumps on my belly and licks my eyeballs until I open them..Gotta love him!!
     
  11. jackfoo123

    jackfoo123 Member

    That is nice to hear stranger1, so you are grandpa already and have a family you care for and also a pet dog companion. Thanks for sharing. Erm, so what if we dont have a family and have no friends, is there anyone else we can look for when we were down? Also you mention about therapy, err what if we cant afford it what can we do, it is not really cheap.... thks
     
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