i really dont know why..

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by dropofahat, Apr 26, 2010.

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  1. dropofahat

    dropofahat Guest

    it's not like my life is THAT terrible.. but i can't help to hate everything and everyone.. i have a good boyfriend, two good jobs, and i'm perfectly healthy.. the only problems i have are that i have a heroin addict brother, parents who think that i just want a therapist to 'jump on the ban wagon', and my friends are the biggest mooches in the world because i make more money than they do.. the only thing keeping me from attempting is my boyfriend because i could never do that to him because he loves me so much and doesnt deserve that... so i pick fights so that maybe he'll break up with me.. so that i'll have that slight freedom to just make it all go away.. i really dont understand why i hate myself so much.. or even why i hate life so much when i used to love everything about it.. it just seems that getting out of bed knowing that i hate myself so much is the hardest thing to do.. than throughout the day in my head i constantly remind myself that i hate myself.. which instantly puts me in a bad mood.. i really have no idea why i'm like this, it sucks..
     
  2. dropofahat

    dropofahat Guest

    it just sucks to want everything in the world to just disappear.. i had so much life in me a few years ago.. now, i get so upset and i literally just dig at my skin and don't even realize i'm doing it.. it's like i get in this comatose state where i just want it all to be over.. and im afraid im actually going to kill myself out of impulse.. i've actually been in the lane of oncoming traffic til i realized the person in the opposite car didnt deserve the same fate that i deserve.. i am a piece of shit..
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you need to get some help sign yourself into hospital for suicide thoughts for depression and get help go in voluntarily. You were happy once you can be happy again with meds with therapy. Take charge of your life and just go in to hospital and get help because you know you need it.
     
  4. dropofahat

    dropofahat Guest

    .. the only problem with that is that i work at the only hospital i work near.. word travels fast.. and they'd admit me to the psych ward.. everyone would find out.. and it would only make the situation worse.. plus my mom seems to think nothing is wrong with me and that im stronger than this.. so she's completely against me trying to get any help because it's too much money and too unnecessary..
     
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