You don't know why you exist. You've wondered that for so long that it's just a normal thought. These past 19 years haven't been easy. When the first memory you have in life is of your father walking out the door and leaving you, I guess life just can;t go right. Then on top of that you get into a relationship at 13, in which you are physically abused. Punched in the face, choked, held to the floor by your wrists and punched so hard in the side that you bleed. To recover from that, you get into drugs and alcohol at the age of 14, looking for love in all the wrong places. You are depressed, and a self mutilator. You have been diagnosed with it 2 times in your life. Meanwhile the father that left you so long ago is also a drunk and druggie. You have no relationship with him, you are not Daddy's little princess. daddy doesn't exist. You recover from that, and go into high school where things seem to be better. You fall in love with a senior boy. you think hes perfect, but in his eyes you will never be. You are too fat. Gained too much weight. Became too much of a woman. Then you finally, at 17 find the boy you truly love. He is respectful, kind, caring. He would do anything for you. But after 2 years, it seems it all has been lost. This time you aren't abused and you aren't too fat, but life has happened. There is nothing you can do to stop it. It must take its course. Here you sit on your bed wondering why all of this has happened. You are a full time college student. You made straight A's and you still can't find a reason to stay on planet earth. You want love so badly, and you don't know where to find it. You've given up.