I really don't know.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AmberNB, Aug 10, 2012.

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  1. AmberNB

    AmberNB New Member

    You don't know why you exist. You've wondered that for so long that it's just a normal thought. These past 19 years haven't been easy. When the first memory you have in life is of your father walking out the door and leaving you, I guess life just can;t go right. Then on top of that you get into a relationship at 13, in which you are physically abused. Punched in the face, choked, held to the floor by your wrists and punched so hard in the side that you bleed. To recover from that, you get into drugs and alcohol at the age of 14, looking for love in all the wrong places. You are depressed, and a self mutilator. You have been diagnosed with it 2 times in your life. Meanwhile the father that left you so long ago is also a drunk and druggie. You have no relationship with him, you are not Daddy's little princess. daddy doesn't exist. You recover from that, and go into high school where things seem to be better. You fall in love with a senior boy. you think hes perfect, but in his eyes you will never be. You are too fat. Gained too much weight. Became too much of a woman. Then you finally, at 17 find the boy you truly love. He is respectful, kind, caring. He would do anything for you. But after 2 years, it seems it all has been lost. This time you aren't abused and you aren't too fat, but life has happened. There is nothing you can do to stop it. It must take its course. Here you sit on your bed wondering why all of this has happened. You are a full time college student. You made straight A's and you still can't find a reason to stay on planet earth. You want love so badly, and you don't know where to find it. You've given up.
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    :hug: It sounds like you've been through a lot, and I know how hard it can be when it seems like life throws all this crap at you. But you can spring back from it, and not let these people and events take away your pride and happiness. I hope that by posting here, and letting out your feelings, that it has helped somewhat. There are many kind and caring people here who will listen and not pass judgment, and hopefully we will be able to help you get your life back on track.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Amber it is NEVER too late to heal hun to get help support I hope you talk to someone a councillor a therapist You deserve happiness hun you do so please don't give up the fight ok hugs
  4. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    Have you ever talked with anyone about what has to you? Like a therapist. All this crap that has happened to you is making you hate life. Its leaving you with no reason to stay. If you unleash all of you experiences from inside you, then you can start to feel better. Before you can get out of the darkness, you have to take the darkness out of you.
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