I really don't want to be here anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by The Depressed Puppy, Dec 14, 2013.

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  1. The Depressed Puppy

    The Depressed Puppy Well-Known Member

    I really am wanting to die. I really want to kill myself really badly.

    Because of this, I have been looking up methods, & trying to find to most fatal one. Thats how desperate I am to die, & not be here anymore.

    I've hallucinating too, not that much but I have been.
     
  2. MessengerFromHell

    MessengerFromHell Well-Known Member

    Talk to me. I am here
     
  3. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    BrokenButterfly, I've been where you are many times. When I feel suicidal, I've looked for the least painful but effective way to die, but unfortunately, I still can't do it. I'm too chicken shit and scared that I would suffer too much pain if I survived.
     
  4. MessengerFromHell

    MessengerFromHell Well-Known Member

    The point of suicide is, to make sure that you do not survive.

    Ask yourself the following questions:
    1) Are you done with life?
    2) Is there really nothing worthy to live for?
    3) At the point of suicide ideation, is there anything that you cannot let go?

    If you are not able to answer any of the above, then continue to search for that answer, and write it down, the fact that you are posting here shows that you have not given up on life yet.

    The decision to suicide should always be rational and majority would have answers to the above questions, they are ready for afterlife.
     
  5. The Depressed Puppy

    The Depressed Puppy Well-Known Member

    I already have my mind set on what I am going to.... I really do want to die.I want to die before I graduate High school. Personally I want to be gone before (this)Christmas.

    I am just so depressed right now:( Everything is declining, my life is falling apart. People at school are bullying me, my ex-friend, said i should kill myself, & said I am not worth it. I only have two real friends, that's it. Everyone hates me, they treat me like crap. I know for fact there just being nice,because they need to, but they truly hate me. I'm starting to hallucinate too, & it makes things worse.

    I don't care for life anymore, i don't want to be here, I want to be dead, so i dont deal with this crap anymore. Heck, NO one would care, they really would not care.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 14, 2013
  6. MessengerFromHell

    MessengerFromHell Well-Known Member

    At least you still have real friends.. I suppose you are still in college.

    Did you tell your parents about your suicide ideation? Is there any counsellor you can see?
     
  7. vivi_ninja

    vivi_ninja New Member

    Hi TheBrokenButterfly, I'm so, so sorry you're feeling that way. Have you tried alternative things, like keeping a journal and making art and things? Does that not work for you or? I'm always here to talk.
     
  8. The Depressed Puppy

    The Depressed Puppy Well-Known Member

    No I haven't,& I probably will not tell my parents. They dont even know I am depressed. No one knows what's going on beside me

    Actually I don't want anyone to know.

    I just want to be gone. & not tell anyone. I really never felt like this befor. I just can't cope.

    Thanks to everyone who answered so far, I still feel the same. I'm trying, but everything's getting worse.

    Edit: I'm still in high school.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 14, 2013
  9. LostInPain

    LostInPain Well-Known Member

    Broken Butterfly,
    I'm so sorry you're in such pain. All of us here have been through this. I'm battling this myself right now. Keep coming here and talking, OK? I haven't been here long, but I've gotten some good support from some very experienced people. The ones who reach out are usually very knowing. They don't try to feed you head with the usual, "Things will look better tomorrow," or, "You've got you're whole life to live for." Take me. Days like today I start of by praying that I will suffer a fatal accident, heart attack, anything just so I can check out and end this misery. Thing is you need to get past this school shit and onto the next phase of your life. You're here so you want to tell someone. What about a counselor at school? The hallucinations definitely need to be looked into though. That's not cool. I knew a girl like you in college with almost the exact same issues. She wound up with some meds, and some counseling and is doing awesome now. Way better than the losers who used to trash her in high school. Fuck the people in high school anyway.In the real world where it counts, they won't mean shit anyway. Please hang tough sweetie and come here or into the chat rooms if you want to talk right away
     
  10. JMG

    JMG Well-Known Member

    Hey I thought I would reply to try to give you some support and encouragement in terms of perhaps (hopefully) not considering suicide as an option. It is a lot harder as a teen to have a true perspective in terms of the bigger picture but trust me as someone who has had suicidal feelings off and on since I was 11 years old I can say now as a 29 year old woman that I am very GLAD I have held on as I have. It has been very challenging and at times quite painful but I consider myself to be quite successful in a lot of ways and definitely in terms of how far I have come in how I deal with a lot of mental and emotional challenges.

    I've had a lot of years of counselling and it truly helped me very very much. I highly recommend doing that it is absolutely NOT something that anyone should ever feel ashamed of needing, if you do not have people to turn to in your life for help with it then I consider it to be a very resourceful thing for a person to be able to see and acknowledge that lack of support in their life and decide that they will look elsewhere for it instead. What better place to do that than a trained professional who will most likely be able to truly understand and give invaluable guidance and support with what you are going through?

    It will take a bit of time at first but it is well worth the effort once their knowledge and knowing they are someone in your life who cares and wants to help starts to have a stronger influence in your life then things do start to change. Reading affirmations can help a lot also and if you read them and perhaps don't believe them or think they are true then what I do is tell my mind to shut up because it is being mean and when our minds do that it's pretty much always the harsh voices of our past whether from parents, friends or whoever else who has been like that to us.

    Anyway seeing a counsellor they will explain all that kind of stuff and it will help so much they are the light of hope for those who are tangled up in the seemingly endless mess of mental/ emotional confusion and pain. You are not alone there are a lot of people who have been through very similar types of things and have been strong, survived and gone on to see much better and happier days. Please believe that it is possible, because it is. There are lots of people who care and want to help, those who have replied in here and me as well so please don't ever give up and also don't ever listen to anyone who is so horrible that they could say to you that you should end it I don't know how or why anyone could ever say that to anyone I sure never have and never could but that only says something about the kind of person they are and truly has nothing to do with you at all. You are a valuable person who matters very much, the stronger you can believe in that the better things will ultimately end up being. If you want to talk and are feeling alone or like no one cares please send a PM and when I see it I'll reply. *hugs* :)
     
  11. Hopelessinsalem

    Hopelessinsalem Well-Known Member

    We've all been there, each for our own reasons. But the fact that we come here says we still have doubts about going through with it. I know in my case I posted here because I desperately wanted someone to care if I lived or died, and wasn't getting that from those who supposedly loved me.

    Be glad you have two friends. Good friends who care about you can be hard to find so you have something to treasure there. I know I've received more support from friends than I have from family.

    This is a caring place, and we can all identify in one way or another with what you're feeling. That's why it's important that you keep posting here. Just having someone really listen to you helps you sort out your emotions
     
  12. The Depressed Puppy

    The Depressed Puppy Well-Known Member

    I'm still contemplating suicide.I'm still considering, Nothing can change my mind, I am trying but nothing is helping.Just so depressed. I don't want to be here for Christmas, I really don't want to see my other family members.I only have one family member who went through, what I am going through. But he went through that about 6 years, & he's 21 now.

    It's great you guys care, but people that I know in person don't care about me at all.No one seems to care about me
     
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