i really don't WANT to die but..

i don't know how to survive in this world
i really really try to stay optimistic but every time i try to socialize i realize how i can't relate to anybody
i can't feel a part of society, i've always been sheltered/ isolated myself out of feet

well it feels like I'm away behind now and its too late.
i came out to san francisco for college, to try and get away from home to try and unshelter myself to get over phobias dealing with people
but it didn't work, i still can't connect ith anybody but i've been here for years

i can't deal with that
im 26 now and i have no job, honestly i thought i would get over my problems if i tried, but apparently i have to try harder than i originally thought
i don't have energy anymore

and when i tell my mom she doesn't understand
nobody understands not even my shrink
i feel like i can't tell my shrink everything because she won't deal with suicidal people, but honestly she's the best shrink i've had!! i've had about 5, and the cognitive therapist is deffinately the best. i don't want to go through more therapists though!!! she's the only one that makes me feel like i can do things to change but its like why didn't i find her years ago, when i was 21 or something

 

26 hun wow you are still so very young. Now with your new therapist there is hope that change will happen. Your shrink is wrong to not let you speak what is on your mind as it helps to talk about things. I am glad you are talking here hun keep talking ok we will listen hugs

 

im sorry you feel this way. im sort of the same, i manage to get on with people but only for a short time, i cant really meaningfully relate to anyone. i really hope that you find your way, just give it time. thats what im doing. im out of university and dont know what to do with myself, i left it too long to form relationships and always feel like an outcast. i guess im just waiting....for something....