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I really just don't want to deal with it

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#1
Last January I broke down and attempted suicide three times. After I got out of the hospital, it seemed I was starting to get better. School started up again and I had met a wonderful boy named Hunter.

Just somewhat recently I've begining to feel suicidal again.

Just tonight Hunter called me to ask my permission to let him get high, and when I told him no, he got angry and upset. Then he told me that he wouldn't be able to see me tomorrow, and wouldn't give me a reason.

Now, thats honestly not the reason why I'm feeling suicidal...I guess it just "fueled the fire".

I don't know...I really don't want to have to live and face any of my challenges in life anymore.
But then I think about it...and I don't want to die, and miss out on things I know I would love.

But overall, I still want to, and the temptation is very strong. I'm too scared to do anything though. My parents locked the medicine cabinet and there's not way to get into it...so I can't try the way I want.

I don't know...I'm just lost, lonely, depressed and hurt. I guess I need a lot of help...because it goes a lot deeper than just this.
 
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#4
Allo.. said:
Hey.. so if thats not why, what do you think is making you feel this way again?
I'm not exactly sure...like I can't be specific about it.
I have severe depression in the first place...so I honestly can't help feeling a tad bit suicidal.

Anyways...I guess it's just because I have no ambition. I don't want to do my schoolwork, because I'm too tired and lazy and depressed. I've been getting irritated a lot easier and...I don't know...I'm just stressed and everything else.

It just seems like it would be so much easier, if I just ended it.
Then my family could be normal. (Since they said it was my fault that they weren't)
 

Allo..

Well-Known Member
#5
No familys normal.. Normal is boring and theres no such thing as normal anyway.. how long have you been depressed for? what do you wanna change?
 
#6
Allo.. said:
No familys normal.. Normal is boring and theres no such thing as normal anyway.. how long have you been depressed for? what do you wanna change?
I've been depressed since I was 6 years old.

And basically...I want to change everything ):
 
D

dark_thought

#13
**BeautyIsThin** said:
*Oh look*Dark Thought in slagging off/questioning people trying to help/support someone again shocker*
If you have a problem with me Beauty, PM me. Stop spamming the forum.
 
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