I really just don't want to deal with it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Phake Cafe` Scene, Sep 9, 2006.

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  1. Last January I broke down and attempted suicide three times. After I got out of the hospital, it seemed I was starting to get better. School started up again and I had met a wonderful boy named Hunter.

    Just somewhat recently I've begining to feel suicidal again.

    Just tonight Hunter called me to ask my permission to let him get high, and when I told him no, he got angry and upset. Then he told me that he wouldn't be able to see me tomorrow, and wouldn't give me a reason.

    Now, thats honestly not the reason why I'm feeling suicidal...I guess it just "fueled the fire".

    I don't know...I really don't want to have to live and face any of my challenges in life anymore.
    But then I think about it...and I don't want to die, and miss out on things I know I would love.

    But overall, I still want to, and the temptation is very strong. I'm too scared to do anything though. My parents locked the medicine cabinet and there's not way to get into it...so I can't try the way I want.

    I don't know...I'm just lost, lonely, depressed and hurt. I guess I need a lot of help...because it goes a lot deeper than just this.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 9, 2006
  2. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    hey you couldn't edit the font could ya, i cant really see what your pst says
  3. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    Hey.. so if thats not why, what do you think is making you feel this way again?
  4. I'm not exactly sure...like I can't be specific about it.
    I have severe depression in the first place...so I honestly can't help feeling a tad bit suicidal.

    Anyways...I guess it's just because I have no ambition. I don't want to do my schoolwork, because I'm too tired and lazy and depressed. I've been getting irritated a lot easier and...I don't know...I'm just stressed and everything else.

    It just seems like it would be so much easier, if I just ended it.
    Then my family could be normal. (Since they said it was my fault that they weren't)
  5. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    No familys normal.. Normal is boring and theres no such thing as normal anyway.. how long have you been depressed for? what do you wanna change?
  6. I've been depressed since I was 6 years old.

    And basically...I want to change everything ):
  7. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    have you tried?.. you gotta take it all one step at a time.. change on thing at a time..
  8. Yeah...we've unfortunantly been trying ever since I was eight years old...(i'm not fifteen)...and nothing has really worked
  9. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    Try again..

    Ever tried to find God?
  10. dark_thought

    dark_thought Guest

  11. *Oh look*Dark Thought in slagging off/questioning people trying to help/support someone again shocker*

  12. I'm not really a religious person...I actually don't even like religion. I've had terrible expierences when trying to believe in things...so /:
  13. dark_thought

    dark_thought Guest

    If you have a problem with me Beauty, PM me. Stop spamming the forum.
  14. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    Ok. What about yourself do you like? And what is the thing you would like to change the most? What do you want to change it to?
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