I really love you all my unkown friends

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by eddizle, Feb 6, 2008.

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  1. eddizle

    eddizle Member

    :smile:Dear friends, i have never met you before or talked to you however i want to let you know that i love you all and i tried my best to beat depression and sadness so that i could show you all that it could be done. Sad to say i am tired and i am giving up, i fought long and hard, tried all i could but now its time to go into the unkown.

    I have been on this forum for a year mainly as an obsevor and i have been though depression and saddness since i was young. Anyway things got hairy in 2006 when i had my first suicide attempt which i chickened out, this time i wont chicken out i am really fed up

    Anyway i carried on with life till i met this site, i dont have that many close friends but i can relate to what you all go through, the emotions, sadness, feeling like you dont belong and finally feeling drained out emotionally. Thats why i relate to you and thats why i really love you all,

    I tried various ways to beat saddness and depression such as counselling, positive thinking and religion but it all didnt help i always felt sad although i know it can if you try hard enough. I also tried Jesus, listening to him and following him, i know god exists cause when i was younger i experienced him, the religious texts say god doesnt like suicides or the like he hurst then in hell and that sort of stuff, it doesnt matter. I called for his help a bunch of times but nothing much helped even though i belive in him with all my soul. I felt some spiritual energy about me but that wasnt enough to help me beat depression

    Anyway i am 21, i am go to university and i am fairly smart, some say i have everything, including a decent future and i shouldnt be childish cause some people in the third world have nothing whilst i have everything. Well to them i say would give all i have to be happy and at peace.

    This post is not meant to encourage you to commit suicide, its meant to make you think and make you at least make a big effort to beat all your problems like i have done, before you think about ending it. I spent 2 years trying to beat depression and sadness but it failed

    Also seriously think about your mama and family and how their lives will be moved. Personally i gave it my best shot this life thing and any hurt that may come to my family is partly gods fault for not helping me when i needed him

    Anyway this a long post but i hope it makes you think about being honest with yourself and making an effort to beat your problems before you quit. Neither is this a cry for help as you can see i have thought about what is to happen and have tried all i could

    Anyway to anyone who goes through depression, sadness or feels their life is chaos too sad or they will never be norma or dont belongl just know that i loved you and i fought for you. Some say god might be ashamed of you or dissapointed in those who commit suicide but just know that i am neither dissapointed or angry at you i want you all to be happy and free just like i want myself to be.

    Hopefully in this life or the next peace, freedom, happines and love shall be ours

    Todo mi amor:biggrin::smile:
    all my love

  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    don't give up, please. might there be one small part of you that wants to live? i know you are tired, believe me, i've been there. and you want the pain to end. who wouldn't want it to end, it's exhausting feeling like this day and night.

    please remember that depression lies. what has it told you? that you are alone. that you have always felt this way and always will. that there will be no joy in the future for you. these are lies, all lies.

    please hang on. with some help and support you can start to feel better. i know you have tried many things, so have i. some aren't working (the psych), some i'm not sure about (the meds) and some are really helping me crawl out of this (a nurse i like, my doctor, going for walks, making art, getting out of my head for a few hours each day). i encourage you to find out what will work for you and just try it.

    it's not too late for you. it won't ever be too late,

  3. beauutyy

    beauutyy Well-Known Member

    if you read this, God doesnt condemn those who commit suicide,it's a forgiveable sin just like any. to God no sin is greater than the next,and he can forgive you.

    im sorry i never got a chance to talk to you.
    love & peace to you<333
  4. Anotherday

    Anotherday Member

    Well, I am brand new here, but I'd like to offer my thoughts.

    First, are you on medication? That has helped me a LOT, although I confess it took many years to get the right diagnosis and the right medication.

    Can you go to a support group? I do that once a week.

    You'll have to forgive me for not knowing your history, but I just joined.

    I understand your frustration, as I've been dealing with depression for 30 years. Still, I do believe that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

    I guess that is all except please don't follow through.
  5. MrA

    MrA Active Member

    Man, I suffer maybe 2 or 3 years under depressions as well.. Thats life, you gotta come through :eek:hmy:

    Don't give up yet.. remember (the smartest sentence I've ever heard) - "If everything is bad it can only get better!"

    Hand in there Eddy, do it for me man
  6. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    The Bible says nothing negative about suicide. There is no reason to believe it is a sin.
  7. Anotherday

    Anotherday Member

    One more thought...I made a deal with myself 26 years ago when I was in a major depression. I told myself I could kill myself in one year, if things were as bad. In that time, I moved to another city (a sunny beautiful place), got a job, went on an antidepressant that worked, and you can see 26 years later I am still here.

    I won't kid you. Depression sucks. I've been diagnosed with bipolar 1 depressive disorder. When I heard that, I thought it was the worst possible news I could get. Some days I still do. But it is what it is and everyone in life has a cross to bear.

    I remain convinced that I have to keep fighting. Please keep fighting.
  8. humpty

    humpty Active Member

    Aww, you sound such a wonderfull human being, it would be such a shame for you to leave. Please think about it some more. Have you tried some therapy?
    Perhaps it would be worth one last effort to find a therapist. Sometimes in the deepest hour of despair, out of nothing springs a glimmer of hope. I was ready to give up a few weeks ago but I found a therapist that has made some difference to how I feel now. I'm not saying I will be cured or anything just a little thing like this can make it worth sticking around for a bit longer.

  9. eddizle

    eddizle Member

    yeap i am still here, last night i couldnt sleep, i kept looking at that helium tank and thinking about my mother and how her life would go. I actually felt trapped, i cant leave because her life woud be destroyed

    This morning i was like fuck it so i went to see a doctor, he got me on some anxiety meds, the first meds for anxiety or depression i have ever been prescribed on. Now have to try and not get tempted to OD on them along with vodka and the helium tank

    I guesse we all have to keep fighting on, what hurts most is knowing and seeing your life spiralling down and knowing that i will never be close to normal again.

    And also i used to see a counsellor for about a year but recently it seams as if she doesnt want to meet me anymore, last time i met her was last month, maybe i need to find a new counsellor
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

  11. humpty

    humpty Active Member


    Your post touched me a lot. You are an inspiration to me, we have quite a bit in common anxiety and depression have been with me off and on for many years. I really did want to die, and often still do now, but I have to live for my family because I do not want to make their life any worse than it is.

    It's funny I allways think about God lately too. One minute I trust him and the next minute I don't think there is no God. I really want to connect with him and Jesus but he seems so far away from me when I'm in this state.

    I hope maybe one day he will reveal his purpose for us both.

    May God wrap you up in his loving arms and protect you.
  12. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    Hi Edward

    I'm glad you went to the doctor, that's a great step. Now what would make me happier, LOL aren't I bossy, would be if you go back as soon as you work up some nerve and say, thanks for the pills, but I'm a bit worried that when I'm feeling my lowest I might take 'em all with the bottle of vodka I have handy. If your doctor is any good, they can take it from there. There is so much shame and isolation in feeling suicidal, but it doesn't have to be that way. There are many people who can and will support you. You don't have to keep feeling this way.

    Sorry things aren't working out with the counsellor you were seeing, so I'd say yes, do what you need to do in order to see someone else. But don't wait on that process before you see the doc again. Sometimes it takes referrals, waiting lists, etc. until you can go.

  13. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Your bravery (I think it is a very brave act to choose to work on life...yes, work...nothing comes to us)...it made my day...thanks, big hugs, J
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