I really miss her.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by punk0r1f1c, Oct 27, 2009.

  1. punk0r1f1c

    punk0r1f1c Well-Known Member

    Recently I was in a relationship with an amazing girl. This girl was the pinnacle of the relationships I had been in. We had the most in common and it seemed that our relationship was heading in a positive direction. I really liked her and I liked her more than the other girls I had been in serious relationships with before. I know I am young but I have had a lot of experience. But let me tell you what, this girl was a curve ball. Apparently she was a rape victim and had a lot of family problems. Which I was more than happy to accommodate with and help with. She told me everything about herself and I told her everything. But then things got weird. She became very distant and uncooperative. I confronted her about it a few times and things went bad. I eventually found out from a friend that she had been like this in her previous relationships and I confronted her about it and she ended it.
    I really liked this girl and I didn't want things to end like this. I still talk to her but it is on an almost acquaintance basis. I don't know what I did or what happened but I really do miss her. She seems lost like myself and I want to help but it seems like she won't let me help her.
    I don't know maybe I am thinking into things too much.
    Does anyone have any advice on how to fix this failed relationship or possibly how to help me get over it?
  2. Zirone

    Zirone Well-Known Member


    I was in your situation about month ago, same thing basically happened to me, things broke down between us and we split up (for the second time).

    My advice would be don't attempt to fix this relationship. The same problems that have made you break up will still be there if you get back together. I know it sounds harsh and not what you want to hear but it would be foolhardy to think that because you'd be back together that the problems will disappear.

    Tips on getting over people:

    1) Get rid of things that remind you of your Ex, that includes photos, texts, all that jazz.

    2) Lose contact with them, the worst thing you could do is still talk to them cos you'll still want to be with them and they wont feel the same way, it just makes things more heartbreaking.

    3) Go out and have fun! Meet other girls and... *puts on typical guy hat* one of the best ways to get over a girl is meet a ton more, do some flirting, get some numbers, being single isnt a bad thing, it just means you get to pick and choose and you never know, you might find someone else *takes off typical guy hat*

    Hope everything gets better dude, i know its hard, keep smiling and get through it :)

  3. lonercarrot

    lonercarrot Well-Known Member

    I'd actually do the opposite.

    I did the same thing to a girl I really cared for (pushed her away when things got too personal and when I became too emotionally attached) because being close to people is something I have a problem with. Even though I kept distancing myself from her I always wished she'd fight and not give up on me. She did that for a while but eventually stopped. And that killed me :sad:

    So I guess I'm speaking from you ex's perspective. If she's like me she would want you to not give up on her. Hearing that you guys got along so well and that she’s done this to other guys in the past just reinforces my belief that this would be the right course of action.
  4. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    Taking into consideration her rape and "family problems," perhaps these incidences are part, if not the whole reason for her distance and ultimate decision to break up. Sexual abuse victims often have trouble with intimacy - emotional or otherwise.
  5. Kruger613

    Kruger613 Member

    I really miss mine, as well. Having someone and then losing them is one of the hardest things in life.

    Whoever said "It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." is full of fucking shit.

    I wish I had never been in love. It would hurt way less.
  6. SuicideIsTheWrongOption

    SuicideIsTheWrongOption Well-Known Member

    There's alot of aspects of this that scream that she has a social problem. I've known people (and even i do on certain issues) who would do similar things when confronted in certain kinds of social situations (like relationships). Now this is probably something that came from the rape and family issues. So really i kind of feel bad for her, because if she keeps pushing away guys, then that means there's very little chance a guy will like her enough to stay with her despite how hard she pushes. You said she's done it before in other relationships, so it's obviously some sort of intimacy/social problem.

    If you genuinely like her (and feel that she genuinely liked you too), stay with her and keep trying, cause i'm sure she'll do it all again, whether she's with you again, or someone else. If you plan to stick with her it's something you're gonna need to find a way to deal with while you help her to stop doing that.

    But if you have any doubt about whether you like her/she likes you, then i would say it's best to move on and Zirone is right on the money about the best way (usually) to move on.
  7. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member