I really need advice

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Olsen, Jul 29, 2010.

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  1. Olsen

    Olsen Member

    I had set a date for my suicide, but I now see there is a large part of that isn't sure if I should go through with it. I feel me longing to follow through, to just do what needs to be done. It feels like a constant conflict inside of me, sometimes I feel like just going, going to get help that I know I need, but most of the time it's beginning me to finish it.

    I thought about going to a hospital near me, I know that if I am not forced into care, I will lie my way out of the help I need. And then it comes to me being too proud to admit that I need it, I have no friends I can reach out to, and I couldn't say anything to my family. The 'friends' that I do have are rather cruel people, and the idea of me reaching out is not something that would be helpful.

    I started thinking about my pain that I talked in my original post, and I realized that the pain was no where near as bad as I described, I'm just too foolish or too weak. I've read so many other people's problems on these forums and compare them to me, and I just feel so worthless and so pathetic. I genuinely hate myself and the life the I have. I do nothing all day, I read a post just like this, and it sounded just like me.

    I am failing college, because I sign up for classes just so my parents think I am going. I stay at home and play computer games all day, and I don't even get the same pleasure out of it that I used to. I find myself for hours at a time staring blankly at my monitor. Everyday I cry, Everyday I feel such a massive hole inside me, Im just too much of an idiot to do anything about it.

    Should I get help? Or should I end it? As I've read, "Suicide is a permanent solution" And that just sounds perfect to me. All my problems will be PERMANENTLY solved. No doubts, no pain, no feeling like a child. I am asking for someone to help me, but there's no one that can. I'm sure some, if any, will try but there's nothing you can do for me - The day I chose seclusion was the day I chose death, because living like this isnt living at all. I am far too indecisive and far too weak to make up my mind, I had planned on doing it friday night. My parents get back friday afternoon, so I get to see them one last time. that would be nice i thought
     
  2. varek

    varek Well-Known Member

    This post could have just as easily been about me :(

    I don't have any advice to offer as such, other than the vague idea that, if you put it off, maybe shit will get better. Maybe the crushing emptiness will pass and you'll be fine, if only for a while. That's the only thing keeping me going.
     
  3. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    you shouldn't feel you can't accept help unless it's forced upon you. being institutionalised against my will would only make things worse. do you have any coping strategies? i have a few, and while i won't recomend them, they sort of help. but even if *coping* doesn't work you can try to avoid people and places that make you feel worse. not exactly practical, but it's better than nothing right?
     
  4. Soul of a Dragon

    Soul of a Dragon Well-Known Member

    Hm... I just went through this state 3 months ago, all I can say this is when you grow up. Its now. Right this moment you will know what you want to do, It took me 2 months of sitting home doing nothing to find myself to find what I want to do. Because before this I had no interests whatsoever, nothing. I did not know what I want to be when I grew up and what is going to take me there, so going to school was not really of any importance to me.

    You choose your studies based on your job preferences, if you have none then how can you choose?? XD

    I used to hate books, now I can read a book for 3 hours and I wont even feel the time fly because I am genuinely interested.

    What you play btw? XD
    Contact me on skype : "Nesferath"
    I am a big game nerd so I can keep you company if you want :p. I have somewhat lost my interest in games, not totally but its much lower on my priority list. Like I will actually go to toilet when I have to pee and wont hold it in until I die in a round or something mwhahah.....
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 29, 2010
  5. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    You can change anything you do not like about your life without death. I have done it, and many others have done it too. You just have to set your mind to change and do it regardless of how much fear you may have for the unknown results. It takes hard work, but you will feel great when you overcome these tiffs in life and grow stronger from them. Just make up your mind. Of course there is a part of you that doesn't want to die. Because deep down you know there is hope somewhere, and what you really want is change. You just have to find it. I too used to feel a massive hole inside me. My spirituality fills mine, and the fact that I now know who I am. When we get out of high school we just jump into being free basically. Not many of us takes the time to figure out who we are or who we want to be as a person. Then we are left confused and lost. Focus on you, and figure out what type of person you want to be, and what kind of mark you wanna leave in this world. Suicide would not leave a mark, nor would it help anyone including yourself. It is not too late! Your just beginning this long journey we call life. Don't give up. :hugtackles: :) Blessings..
     
  6. Olsen

    Olsen Member

    Does anyone know what happens if I go to hospital and tell them about my suicidal intents, what do they do?
     
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