I really need help bad

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Caster, Feb 5, 2011.

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  1. Caster

    Caster Well-Known Member

    I hate to come on here and sound like I'm complaining, but this is a last resort. I really don't know who or where to turn to now. I've felt suicidal since November, basically ever since I took effexor. I pretty much crashed and burned last night. I'm most likely out of a job because my manager pressured me into drinking too much and I couldn't go into work today. I ended up driving home which made me feel even worse when I woke up today. Maybe I had a death wish, I don't know. I live with my parents by the way.

    I've read time and time again that suicide destroys the lives of those around you, but I know for a fact I'm a burden to my parents. I told them everything I did last night and they were upset and didn't berrate me but they don't have any idea of what to do anymore than I do. My mom said what if you killed someone driving drunk? When I used to get caught driving drunk, she'd be really upset and say thank god you're alright, but that didn't happen this time....maybe it'd be alright if I died now.

    I've been to counseling for numerous other things. It helped as a crutch for getting through a few really rough times, but my parents could argue it was my fault to begin with I guess. Maybe it is. I just don't fit in in this world. I may try a new therapist but I really doubt it's going to help. I can't date let alone take care of myself. The longer I'm alive the worse I get it seems.

    I'm really tempted to try and leave tonight. But I'm afraid I'll fail and the my life will be even worse. Or if I was successful I'd be afraid of going to hell. I've never felt so trapped in my life. I'm not sure what I'm looking for...I guess I'd be happy just to know one person ready this...I just never thought life would get this hard.
  2. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Hi, many here share your pain, i dont need to tell you that i know, why is it hurting so much?
    What can you do to make a difference to your life?
    Sometimes we all have so much swirling in our heads it becomes just too much to deal with.
    Sometimes a little space is needed, to work on each little hurt, then the clouds start to clear a little.
    Going to the doctors is a great step, talking to a trusted friend another.
    Read some posts, maybe make a few, stay strong, stay safe, stay loved.
    Please keep posting, get it out if you can. others will empathise with you.

    Regards Pete
  3. Caster

    Caster Well-Known Member

    Thanks Pete. I don't know...it seems like so many people just automatically know what to do in life and like it comes easy to them. I guess I'm just completely overwhelmed by everything, and I just keep feeling even lonelier and lonelier over time. Like I said I'm going to try a new therapist I think, but I'm doubtful about it helping. If it doesn't help I probably will commit suicide. But I'll at least give it a shot....one last try before I completely throw in the towel. I just can't see myself ever being happy though. I can't stop crying today.

    Right now I'm extremely panicked about work. I don't know that I've lost my job for sure, but either way I'm terrified to just go in tomorrow. I don't even know what I'd say. I really don't know what happened last night. I just cracked and got obliterated drunk.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Last night is over okay and it was your boss that dragged you out drinking his fault. Your parents love you and yes they were upset as you could have harmed yourself and killed someone else Your mom just wanted you to see t he danger that could have happened Therapy good place to start and ask your doctor about changing your medication okay try something different for your depression Your parents care for you if they did not they would not be concerned do you understand they just want you to be more responsible for your action hugs to you
  5. Caster

    Caster Well-Known Member

    Wow...sorry to vent but this forum is...nevermind. It seems only moderators only ever respond to posts. At least in my case for the most part. Other people get more replies from actual people on the forums. Been looking at some PRO-suicide sites. Fuck. I thought this was a place to get help not just get run on sentences from moderators. I think I'm gonna take up the ideas from people on the pro-suicide forums. At least they eagerly reply to me. And want to help me end the pain. My parents don't give a fuck, fuck this. And if I get banned whatever. I've already made up my mind.

    I mean for real, no one helps in real life, and not even on here??? And you all advocate preserving life?? Whatever. I'm done.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You forget caster the people here and myself are very ill at times To be seen you need to post again and again okay I am sorry you feel you have not been noticed but moderators are just normal people and i see other members here have responded to your post. We do care about you i care and i don't want you to harm yourself Please keep posting in all areas of the forum okay so others can see you as well. Please stay safe pm me or anyone here and the will talk to you. I come her for support just like you i too fight the sadness the idea to end it but i know that just cannot be an option it would hurt too many people Hugs to you keep posting okay in all parts of forum
  7. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    Hi ya

    Words cannot compensate for all you're feeling and all your heartache and I am not in a great place myself, its my birthday and I can't stop crying... so sorry no great words...

    Just loads and loadsa hugs:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: and know that people DO care - I care.. why? Cause you sound like you're in pain and I know how that feels so sending you hugs and hope you feel you can keep posting so others will also get the chance to show you they care too.
    You are not alone. P.M. me if you ever wanna chat.
    You deserve to feel better... could you try any different meds?

    Take care
    Ditsy x
  8. Caster

    Caster Well-Known Member

    You guys are right. I'm really sorry about my last post. I just had a horrible conversation with my mom last night and pretty much imploded. Thanks for the advice too.

    Ditsy, I'm extremely sorry to hear that you were in so much pain on your birthday:(. That really breaks my heart...everyone deserves to have a happy birthday.

    And total eclipse, thanks for helping to put everything into better perspective. You're right. I was expecting too much based on what I've done here so far. I sincerely apologize for coming across so angry and frustrated. Like I said, after talking to my mom last night, I just lost it and was not thinking clearly at all.

    I think I said earlier but I'm going to be seeing a new therapist this week so perhaps that'll help.
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just want you to know I read your post, and if you ever want to talk you can drop me a PM. I'm glad you're seeing a new therapist, and I hope it helps. I also hope you'll give the site another chance. :hug:
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No need to be sorry you were in pain i understand hope you stick around here for awhile okay hugs to you
  11. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Im sorry your having a hard time, there have been times Ive thought the same thing about mods, but you need to think that at one time they were regular members just like us and they understand the pain.

    I hope the new therapist brings some new light to your situation. Maybe a differant med would help. I know Ive dealt with these thoughts and feelings most of my life, but now trying to find out what will make me happy, what will satisty me, which is the number 1 question. Its not easy when all you know is what your feeling.

    Try new things, Ive noticed that Ive been trying them and actually enjoying them. Bring yourself out of the dark and give yourself a chance to be happy.

    Im here anytime you want to chat

    Hope today has been a better day.
  12. The Unforgiven

    The Unforgiven Well-Known Member

    hey hey :hug: im sorry youre in a bad way, alcoholism is a bitch for sure.. you know, theres always something that looks up.. im sure things will, n i hope they do really soon.
    suicide is never a solution hun, if it was then we would be made with self destruct buttons, dont you think? and the point of living is living G, not ending it.. im sorry im not very helpful atm, but please know, i care, and we all do.
    hang in there mate, itll get better, just you see!.. :hug: :hug: :hug:
  13. Caster

    Caster Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your continued support guys.

    I've got an appointment with a new therapist in about an hour so I'm really hoping that it goes well and that I feel like I can be completely honest with her. I'm worried but at the same time excited. Filling out the paper work to take with me was emotionally exhausting though.
  14. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    good luck with that appointment - i hope it goes well for you

  15. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    I hope your appt went great and you like the new doc. Keep up the good fight!!
  16. Caster

    Caster Well-Known Member

    Thank you echo and doityourself. It actually went pretty well. I think she may be able to help me feel better, but I can tell it's going to take a lot of time and work. I was also able to be virtually completely honest with her about everything.

    I started cymbalta today since that's the only anti-depressant that ever worked for me before. I had been off of it because of the price and may not have needed it for a while, but I've been off anti-depressants since November and have felt miserable. Everyone in my family is anti-medications so that's part of why I was off everything.

    I hope you guys have been doing alright too. I'll let you know if the cymbalta works well like it did before.
  17. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Yep anything worth anything is always hard work.

    Glad it went better and you came out with a new outlook, keep up the good fight.

    I to stop meds when things get better, I always wondered why and now Im refusing no matter what I think or the ones around me, its for me not them.

    Is there any help for the costs you can look into?
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