I hate to come on here and sound like I'm complaining, but this is a last resort. I really don't know who or where to turn to now. I've felt suicidal since November, basically ever since I took effexor. I pretty much crashed and burned last night. I'm most likely out of a job because my manager pressured me into drinking too much and I couldn't go into work today. I ended up driving home which made me feel even worse when I woke up today. Maybe I had a death wish, I don't know. I live with my parents by the way. I've read time and time again that suicide destroys the lives of those around you, but I know for a fact I'm a burden to my parents. I told them everything I did last night and they were upset and didn't berrate me but they don't have any idea of what to do anymore than I do. My mom said what if you killed someone driving drunk? When I used to get caught driving drunk, she'd be really upset and say thank god you're alright, but that didn't happen this time....maybe it'd be alright if I died now. I've been to counseling for numerous other things. It helped as a crutch for getting through a few really rough times, but my parents could argue it was my fault to begin with I guess. Maybe it is. I just don't fit in in this world. I may try a new therapist but I really doubt it's going to help. I can't date let alone take care of myself. The longer I'm alive the worse I get it seems. I'm really tempted to try and leave tonight. But I'm afraid I'll fail and the my life will be even worse. Or if I was successful I'd be afraid of going to hell. I've never felt so trapped in my life. I'm not sure what I'm looking for...I guess I'd be happy just to know one person ready this...I just never thought life would get this hard.