things have gotten worse now, I look longingly at every available way I have to off myself. I'm running out of reasons not to do it. I tried to talk to a shrink, but unless I have $150 on hand he wont see me. I sob constantly when I am alone. I have to put on a smile and dance around so my wife wont worry about it. I cant get a job anywhere, were getting evicted out of our house. I have nothing to eat, except for ramen noodles. I etched my name into <edit mod total eclipse method>and carry it with my at all times, its comforting. I know how bad that sounds, but its like a security blanket. The loneliness I feel in my heart gets worse everyday. Its getting hard to function without letting the sorrow affect me. I really dont want anyone's pity or comforting words about how I should stay alive for my children's sake. It makes the feeling I have worse. I dont want to be like this, I dont want to carry a weight on my chest. I dont want to break into tears every time I pass a <edit mod method> in the hardware section. I want to be happy, I want to be motivated, I want to wake up everyday with the feeling that today is a good day, I just cant. I secretly think about <edit mod method> that I live close to, tho I know that will be omitted I just needed to tell someone. I am a coward.