I really need help

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Heavenly Star, Mar 19, 2009.

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  1. Heavenly Star

    Heavenly Star Well-Known Member

    These past 3 weeks have been the worst of my life. I'll try and keep it short but so much has gone on in a short space of time and i'm really confused and upset about it all. It's impossible for me to cope with.

    3 weeks ago i tried jumping from a bridge to try and kill myself. I've been depressed for about a year and have PTSD and Borderline personality disorder. I'm always suicidal but the feelings have been more intense and i've also been seeing things and hearing voices. The police were called and i was taken to a police station. A couple of doctors and a social worker came and suggested that it might be a good idea to spend time in hospital. Due to my last hospital admission being a bit of a disaster if refused. So they sectioned me and i was admitted to the psych hospital.

    Now, i suffer from social anxiety and am extremely shy so i find it near impossible to approach people and ask for help/support. I explained this to the staff and they said 'no problem, we'll come and seek you out for a chat'. Every shift a nurse was supposed to come and spend time with me. This didn't happen. I was left alone in my room. I felt invisible to everyone. This made me feel even worse and so i decided i would leave the ward and kill myself. (i was taken off the section after 2 weeks) I told them i was going for a walk. I went back to my flat, cut my wrists, took an overdose and then waited to see what would happen. I must've passed out because i woke to the sound of my door being smashed open by the police as the hospital had reported me as a missing person. I went to yet another hospital, got my wounds cleaned up and was treated for the overdose then was sent back to the psych ward again. I was discharged tuesday and yesterday was in A&E again for cutting my wrists. Stayed there overnight and was told i would see someone this morning from the psych hospital. This woman came to see me this morning and said we needed to have a chat. I went with her and she just started getting really cross with me and said the mental health services can't help me and in the end she was starting to get really nasty towards me so i just walked out.

    Now i'm alone, confused, upset and extremely suicidal. I'm also really angry at people for not listening to me. I am being punished for the way i feel. I have been doing things that i am not aware of and some of it has been quite destructive. I've also lost all feelings. I don't care about anybody. Not even my family and i hate myself for it. I JUST WANT SOME HELP! I am going to have another attempt at jumping from a bridge but will do it in the middle of the night so there aren't too many people around to call the police.

    Bloody hell, just realised i've written loads. Sorry. I have so much stuff bottled up inside me.
  2. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    I sent you a pm hun! please check it
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