i really need help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by aonisai, Mar 10, 2012.

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  1. aonisai

    aonisai Member

    hello, i'm from asian country so please forgive me if my english is too bad, i'm just trying to say

    i'm 18 years old, i was born in the family which is not very happy, i have a very wicked grandmother who hates me and my mother so much. then she try to make my father keep beating and scolding my mom and my sister by lying everything or harm us.
    and about me, i don't have a beautifull childhood like everyone else. when i was young, just a kid. i was put under house arrest, that mean: until i was 11, no going out, no chating with friend, no meeting and making friend with stranger (even same as my age) i was hold in my house, alone, all the time when my parent wasn't at home. so i play alone, imaginated some friends, talked with them, played with them... i'm so lonely
    then, i'm older, my grandmother acting like want to kill me so i'm unhappy
    first love, broken up because i don't know how to keep my girls, because i'm alone too long
    then i have more freedom, i just can't intergrate into community. i don't know what to say, how should i say?
    so people call me "autism boy", i always feel lonely.
    now, i'm loving a girls for 3 years and still love her so much, but, again, i absolutely don't know what and how to make her love me. she hurted me several times. and now, the main reason why i want to shoot a bullet though my head
    she love a men, an unfaithful lover, two-timer, asshole, who still trying to take her virgin. what is very very very very important in my religion and i. and now, may be, yes, may be he can be success. if he is, i will kill myselft
    why i'm so unlucky in my life, why? why? why the others have a happy life? why all of you can smile while i'm trying to keep my tear not dropping? why? why? why? WHY? WHY can't i have a normally life? why can't i smile? why can't i stand there and chat with everyone instead of sitting there like a dummy? why can't i have some one love me? what did i do wrong? i keep helping everyone but why nobody love me? why can't i forget things that i should forget? why???? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
    and why i write this thread instead of shooting my head LoL
    what i have to do?
  2. chrissyb111

    chrissyb111 Member

    Sorry you have had such a shit life, anychane you can get any kind of help someone to talk to to help you?.What has b een done to you is not your fault,remember that.
  3. aonisai

    aonisai Member

    thank u so much!
    i feel better now,
    but only when i'm not alone, my friends are watching me every minutes.
    what should i do if the killing-myself though appears in my head???
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