I really need to talk to someone

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Anna, Aug 2, 2007.

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  1. Anna

    Anna Active Member

    Aweek ago things seemed to be taking a turn for the better. Seen a new Dr and started back on my meds. Tried to stop taking the tons of soma, but I can't stop. Everything is wrong, my sis was extemely supportive, but she lashed out at me yesterday, saying she can't handle the stress anymore. That she's tried to do all she can for me, but she just can't handle it anymore. I stress her out too much. So she ended with "Do whatever you want, you always do anyways" It really hurt. She's the only one in my family that has been there for me. So once again I've pushed the people that mean the most to me away. I'm very good at doing that. So all this has pushed me back to wanting out of this world.Why keep trying when I know in my heart that I'm never going be anything or of any importance to anyone. I guess I'm an addict, the pills ease my emotional pain, they are my only escape. I guess I would say that I love them more than anything. They take my pain away instead of bringing pain to me, like from other people. I went out today to buy a gun and a belt went on my car, so I never made it. Just got more pissed and came home and popped my pills. Started drinking too.

    It's never going to end, unless I take matters into my own hands. Was suppose to go to TN. for a week this wknd. To get away and have a little peace and quiet, but now that's up in the air. Don't know if I should make the trip alone in the state of mind I'm in. Will try to get back out tomorrow and see if I can make my purchase, if not will have to go to a friends and "borrow one". I've even given up on God, every picture, book, cross, I packed up. I don't want to see or think of him anymore. Even he hates me and to be honest, I don't care anymore.
    And I don't believe a single soul on this earth cares about me.
    Why can't I just become brain dead so I don't have to feel anything anymore?
    I haven't made many friends on here, so that just backs up my beliefs that I'm a waste of human life. I'm not blaming anyone, I've talked to several people and they have all been extremly nice and helpful.
    But I think my time is up, I can't contiue on breathing and hurting people with my addiction and depression, they don't deserve this, so I'll let them have peace and I'll go away. I think they may actually feel some happiness knowing I'm out of my misery.

    I don't expect any replies and there would be nothing anyone could say to change what I have planned. Just needed to write and let it out and I guess say goodbye to you all. I hope you all can get through your problems and eventually be happy.:smile:

    Well need to go, it's medicine time.:smile:

    TC everyone
  2. If this is a suicide note they'll just delete it. Then noone can even know about your situation. Do they have a mental health center in your city? If so you can call an emergency number and say everything you just posted. Instead of puchasing tomorow you should really go to a medical hospital and explain the crisis. They may be able to hold you there untill they find a suitable inpatient mental health program. And the hospital will give you you're meds(in appropriate doses) as they pertain to your mood/actions. Please seek help. Even if you must right away.
    Best wishes for a better future.
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Anna don't give up. You said things had started down the right track. That means they can again. Your pill addiction may be too tough for you to stop on your own. If you need help, seek it. Your sister may not feel as stressed knowing what you are doing to care for yourself. Maybe then she will feel she can support you again. Many of us suffer setbacks on the road to recovery. When a setback happens we must pick ourselves up and start from where we left off. This is where you are. This is a setback. Start from here and continue down the road to better times. We are here to help support you as much as we can. Please take care and stay safe. :hug:
  4. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    I guess it shows that you need to learn to be stronger too. While there are people who can support you emotionally, I believe you need to find some strength within yourself before you can allow others to give you the courage you need to face the world. Your sister cares for you, and I will feel so comfortable if I have someone so caring like her. Maybe she herself is facing her own difficulties too and maybe thats why she think its too much for her to take?

    You really need to learn to stand alone cos like it not we need to do that sometimes, I am alone in facing my own problems all my life and its only in SF that I can feel like home because I am free to be myself and have supportive people here. Please do something about your situation now and you can be sure your sister still loves you, only thing is she has her own
    issues too, I believe. A listening ear and a should to lean on could be just or even more effective than meds.

    You are beginning to make progress, and you should keep it up. You are always free to talk about your feelings here and I can be sure there are many who will be coming and reach out for you. Please understand that we all care for you :hug:
  5. blade

    blade Well-Known Member

    Anna hun :)
    dont give up yeah ,...have faith in ur self. ......think about going for walks and doing different things to distract you.
    and it can end trust me.
    like somebody told me...
    "ur life is like a book, with chapters. u think about the things u did in the past in the past chapters. u have to plan the rest of the chapters , dont to the same things that u did in the previos chapters....plan ur future chapters."
  6. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Strength comes from a wide variety of things. I don't get why your sister lashed out on you if all this time she was feeling stressed. Also it's annoying when people do that. She could of just spoken to you properly. Oh well, that's people for you.

    Anyways don't give up, even though others seem to have, just don't because there are things in life which are worth living for.
  7. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Anna,sweety would you like tot alk with me?
  8. Anna

    Anna Active Member

    Thanks everyone for your kind words, but I've made up my mind. I'm living in hell and I want it over with. So I won't be posting anymore, the end can not come fast enough. I give up and I'm happy it will be over soon. Nobody cares and I've accepted that. Been put through to much pain and hurt and I welcome the end with open arms. There's no point in staying, things will never change and I just can't deal with it anymore. :sad:I want to thank everyone for taking the time to talk and pm me. I'm sorry but I just can't go on any longer. I'm just so very sorry, but it has to end. This will probably be deleted, but who cares.

    Goodbye and best of luck to everyone struggling.

    Anna(the loser)
  9. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member


    You can see from the replies that there are people that care about you. The way you are feeling right now is like hell itself but please see that you are not alone you dont have to fight this battle alone. SF is here to help im here to listen and so are many others as you see from yor replies, you are in a black cloud at the moment pop you head up just for a second and see if we can help
    Id like to get to know you better im sure others would to pm any time hun and please rethink this decission is not always reversible :hug::hug::hug::hug:
  10. Anna

    Anna Active Member

    Have rethougt and only decided a week maybe. feel terrible but will try to hang on, it's very hard though:cry:

  11. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    Anna, its good that you are trying to hold on and please continue letting us know how are you feeling so that we can continue supporting you and please take good care. :hug:
  12. Hey

    Hey Active Member

    As long as you're posting - you still have a conscience and don't want to die. SF saved my life.

    After months of insulated, psychological charge- I knew I wanted to die. Which scared me. I mean I actually WANTED it. So I found the Suicide Forum and I'm still here. What I learned from those months where literally, I COULDN'T stop thinking- is that depression is essentially your body yelling one word at you: "CHANGE!". Something is wrong if you're depressed. SOMETHING. Mine was the absence of social contact and the collapse of all my lofty expectations/desires. And I was there, at the foundation of the structure- where I took every brick and crevice that I carved into myself.

    So I did change. I moved back home. Now I have friends, family and plenty of random acquaintances. Plus- I broke free of my own cell. My life is pretty good. It doesn't hurt anymore.
  13. Bipolarguy

    Bipolarguy Member

    I like what you said Hey....it bring a bit of hope for the future. Maybe things will change if you dont give up and try something different. It just takes focus and energy i guess......i dont have any of that. Im so depressed and all alone but im scared of death/dying so i HAVE to find something to live for. Hang in there and dont give up.
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