I really need to...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ckeaweahe, Oct 17, 2010.

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  1. ckeaweahe

    ckeaweahe Active Member

    die as soon as possible. My life is falling apart and im so deep right now. I just post about the same problems and feelings. I think i complain too much and ask for too much out of life. I cant get away from these these thoughs, feelings, or myself. I cant forget about my ex. She was worth really worth it. Its sad that other people have to deal w this too. Lifes a bitch then you die
     
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    hey there,

    I think that you can really turn things around for your self, but you have to get some help. Talking here is a good start. Are there other things that you would be willing to do? Maybe talk to a crisis line?

    Getting some treatments would help. Is there anything you would consider? What about self-help methods? Would you try some of those?
     
  3. ckeaweahe

    ckeaweahe Active Member

    I wanna turn things around, but ive neglected my priorities for so long. Everything i do feels absolutely pointless. I wanna turn things around. I want a girlfriend, that might change my mind im pretty sure. I will never find the right one though.. I cant relate to many people. I cant find her, not as long as im depressed (and its already too late). Being a complete weirdo was hard enough, now i dont even wanna trust anybody, or waste their time. My ex reminded me why i dont trust people.

    There is one thing im willing to do, to stay a little longer. I dont know if i can dedicate to it, but it would keep me around til january i think.
     
  4. Helba

    Helba Member

    One of the hardest lessons I still have yet to learn, is that no matter how many pieces we break into we can always be put back together. I know whats its like to want love, and how sometimes it feels like it can change things, but ultimately it doesn't when you really focus on the idea. We need to find even the smallest bit of self-worth till someone else can truly matter. Take my words for what they are, just my own ideas and thoughts, but as you post here, I return the post simply to let you know you are not alone, and there are always more ideas and choices, sometimes we need to hear these choices to gain the wisdom to know what is best for ourselves.
     
  5. ckeaweahe

    ckeaweahe Active Member

    Love is something i really want, but cant have nowdays. I miss my ex so much, and theres nothing i can do to bring her back. She hates me... Last year, i was encountering some pretty bad problems. No matter what happened to me, she would always make me feel better when i got to see her, and hold her. It felt so great to be me, whenever she was around. I cant even remember what that feels like, but its all good. I think im done.. Id be so happy to just die.
    I cant find the perfect girl for me at this rate. People dont understand how much i miss my ex. I dont share any feelings w friends or family. When she was around me, my problems would disappear and i felt so comfortable. Now she hates me.. I fucked up.
     
  6. lapazyelamor

    lapazyelamor Well-Known Member

    all the kings horses and all the kings men couldnt put lapazyelamor back together again ...
     
  7. Helba

    Helba Member

    I know how ya feel man. My ex left me almost a year ago after cheating on me for awhile. I still love her and would gladly take her back but she has moved on past me, doesn't even give me the time of day or acknowledge that I am alive. I still love her, and I fight each day knowing my love for her keeps me fighting even if she doesn't love me.
     
  8. ckeaweahe

    ckeaweahe Active Member

    Yeah it sucks. I can feel that though. That me, except my ex had a child and was probably pregnant while she was w me.. Sometimes i just wanna tell her how i feel bout her, but i cant. Id rather die. She wont listen, and i cant find anyone else.

    Sometimes, i think i wanna live, even though i feel like dying. It might be the reason im posting my stupid feelings on here. It might be the reason im still alive. It seems so pointless to continue though.

    Hope your taking care of yourself physically at least. Its too late for me to fix anything
     
  9. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Hey! You're feelings are not stupid! Please stop saying negative things about yourself too!

    I don't know what happened between you and your ex, but I don't think you should blame yourself. Maybe she could have been more supportive?

    What is this thing that you think might keep you around till January?
     
  10. ckeaweahe

    ckeaweahe Active Member

    Maybe if she told me why she left, it would have been easier to move on. Theres so many things wrong w me, she left. And i hate these feelings.

    If there is one thing that might make me happy, it would be to fight in december. But how can i dedicate, when id rather die everyday?
     
  11. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    you could try writing her a letter and ask for her to explain.

    I think that some talk therapy could really help turn things around for you.

    what do you mean fight in december?
     
  12. ckeaweahe

    ckeaweahe Active Member

    I really want to write to her, but when i used to text her, i shared very deep thoughts. She used to brag to my friends about my text messages. One time she showed my friend one of my messages and told him, "i can get him to do anything for me." I never brought it up, cause it was true. Im afraid she might tell one of my friends, if i told her i wanted to die. I am not going to the fucking hospital, counselors, therapy, etc. Im getting pretty impatient trynna figure this out though. Im not getting anywhere and its not worth it anymore. Sorry you guys are just wasting your time
     
  13. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    is telling her that you want to die the main thing that you want to tell her? are there other things you could tell her and leave that part out?

    I wish you wouldn't be so against the idea of therapy, meds, electro-convulsive therapy, other treaments. For a lot of people, that makes a huge difference.

    So if you won't do these things, could you get a 1/2 hour of gentle aerobic activity per day? that helps a lot of people. meditation?

    these self-help methods aren't the first thing that i would recommend in this situation, it's just that you don't seem to be interested in the conventional treatments.

    would you call a suicide hotline?

    i don't think i'm wasting my time. if you feel better, it's worthwhile. if there is a chance you could get better, then it's worthwhile. i think that everyone deserves to have someone who won't give up on them
     
  14. purpleAPY

    purpleAPY Well-Known Member

    no one responding to this is wasting their time, because you wouldnt have come on here and written all this in the first place if you didnt want to see everyone else's responses.

    breakups are always hard, but you found your last girlfriend, so you'll be able to find another girlfriend in the future. it might take some time to find the right girl, but just keep looking, and for now, try to live your life and dont depend on a girl for happiness. there are lots of other things in the world that can give you the same happiness, even if you might need to search around a little bit to find them.

    life is not that hard if you look on the bright side of things and dont get caught up one bad thing that happened. please stay strong and hang in there, people always tell me things will get better and its hard to believe them but i know from my friend's experiences that it does get better!

    and if you are having a really hard time with these thoughts please please please see someone, talk to a therapist or something, you might not like it at first but just give it a try, it cant hurt to try and see if it helps
     
  15. ckeaweahe

    ckeaweahe Active Member

    May71 - ive sent her messages, only a few times cause i didnt want to irritate her. I didnt want to tell her that i cant continue w life, cause i dont want her to feel sorry for me, and i dont want my friends or family to know. Everytime i sent her a message, i tried to be positive (which wasnt easy). I dont even think she matters though.. cause nowdays, i just feel like dying over anything.
    Im so impatient and irritated w life already. This sounds stupid, but even the minor problems i encounter, make me wanna die right in the moment. If i spill drinks in my car, i feel like dying. If something in my room breaks, i feel like dying. If im taking too damn long to tie my shoes, i feel like dying.
    I guess this has nothing to do w my ex.. Im just really insecure on the inside.
    Working out doesnt help me that much. I do minor workouts everyday, or every other day to stay in decent shape.


    purpleAPY- ive tried to continue w life, and be happy by myself, but it feels so pointless. Ive already lost interest in most of the things i used to enjoy in life. And, its so hard to find a girlfriend cause no one wants to be around you when your depressed.

    Thanks for the help. Sorry if im being a pain in the ass. (Therapy is outta the question already.) I dont know if im getting anywhere w all this but, if theres any progress, i think im learning more about myself (which is weird cause i has bout 12 straight months to think about it).
     
  16. purpleAPY

    purpleAPY Well-Known Member

    why is therapy out of the question?
     
  17. ckeaweahe

    ckeaweahe Active Member

    It just is.. Im just stubborn and retarded. Fuck i feel like im wasting everyones time here. Sorry, sometimes i just dont want help. Thats why i probably dont belong here. Maybe im over reacting, i know a lot of people here have it worse.
     
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