I really need your help..

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lostbutnotfound, Sep 19, 2012.

  1. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    So supposedly I'd left this site. I tried to cope by myself, and for the most part.. apart from the occasional hospital admission.. I managed, but right now I am not coping. I know I'm going to do something if I don't reach out for some help, hell the way I'm feeling right now even if I do reach out for help I'll still do it, but I need to try something. I am desperate. I'm sorry for coming back, but I'm really.. I really need help. I can't do this by myself. I will be shocked if anyone replies seeming as I have been a complete dickhead as of late, but please help me. I don't know what to do and I am freaking out. I feel so ridiculously close to just trying to end it, it never usually works for me, but the odds are if I keep trying it's going to work eventually. The only reason I'm slightly hesitant at the moment is because my worker is coming around in a few hours, and if I did something and it didn't work.. well, I don't want to be saved this time. I don't know what to say apart from I so badly want to quit, and I so desperately need your help, and I'm so sorry for being so weak that I needed to come back.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun don't be sorry for coming back that is what this forum is for hun to reach out when one is not doing so well. You tell your worker how you are feeling ok maybe go in and get some respite at hosptial hugs to you
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Don't be daft :hug: that's what the forum is for.
    I agree with Total, you need to be telling your worker, and yeah I know you dread being admitted, but seriously sometimes its what is best.

    Any idea what has set you off?
  4. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    Thanks Terry and TE

    No, not really got an idea of what's set me off. Had a bad flashback earlier, and just been thinking about stuff, but I dunno. I really have an aversion against being sectioned again, it was terrible last time and I'm frightened of being back in that situation, I just know I can't cope by myself. I don't have the strength at the minute, and that probably scares me more than anything else. I feel completely helpless. I don't really want to tell my worker as I think the team I am with is pretty unaware of BPD and therefore thinks such actions on my behalf are just attention seeking. They aren't, and anyone who knows me knows that, but I know what people think. I think it's the PTSD that's caused me to have this meltdown but it all just feels too much.

    Thanks again.