I got divorced 3 years ago, after 30 years of marriage. It was a horribly toxic relationship that pushed me to the point of being suicidal. Recently, I've been chatting with a woman from the Philippines. A friend of mine introduced us. We really hit it off at first. This was back in September. I was even looking at ways to get over to see her. But in the back of my mind, I knew I wouldn't be able to afford the adventure. I have no $$$$. And I sure couldn't afford to marry her and bring her back to the US. She would love to move here, as the conditions where she's at aren't very good. When it comes down to it, I'm not deeply in love with her. I know that sounds callous. But I'm not...and now I feel this horrible guilt. I am a terrible POS for continuing the relationship, I think. But I also don't think I could make it work, especially in my depressed state. It's all I can do to keep myself in line, let alone having to deal with another person… Honestly, I don't want to have a relationship right now, with her or anyone else. I'm not in any kind of mental shape for it. It has dawned on me lately that I "need" to be single. I don't want to inflict myself on others, and I don't want to obligated either. But I also don't want to break this woman's heart. Of course, if I continue the relationship, it will be just that much harder down the road. I tried to fall in love with her but couldn't do it. She says she loves me a lot and I don't doubt it. So I get to be the bastard who calls it off because I can't carry on with it. It's going to break her heart. I'm feeling suicidal over this. I hate this. I suck.