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I really suck.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by JD4010, May 14, 2018.

  1. JD4010

    JD4010 Well-Known Member

    No doubt about it. I suck grievously. I damage everyone I come into contact with. For the past week, I've been thinking about all of the grief I've caused for so many people. I'm not intentionally "mean" or anything, but the way I have existed creates problems for others. I should write down all of the stuff I've been thinking about. If I turned it into a book, it would probably show up on the shelves in the "horror" section.

    Writing the book would require that I continue to live. I'm not sure I want to do that.
    Mishka1204 and psychopathology like this.
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like your being pretty hard on yourself

    Do you want to say what happened?
  3. JD4010

    JD4010 Well-Known Member

    I'm trying to come to grips with my arrogance and ego. I've always thought that I'm a nice, caring guy but there's a lot of evidence to the contrary. I've been reviewing my life and all of the stupid decisions I've made. Honestly, the planet would be better off without me.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    We've all done stupid stuff we deeply regret. Life is more about learning from them and passing that wise knowledge on, its not worth taking your life over.

    I am sorry you are feeling so low but please don't be so hard on yourself. Wish you the best.
  5. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    You don't have to be perfect to be a worthwhile person.

    It sounds to me like the biggest mistake you could make would be to undervalue yourself or make a suicide attempt.

    I'm thinking now about @Alwayswrong. Fantastic member, did a lot to help people. Looks like she felt that she made a mistake somewhere along the way, and decided that SF would be better off if she didn't participate.

    Could she have made some mistake? Sure, but overall she was doing good things here. What a tragedy that she hasn't posted here again.

    Please don't make the same mistake JD. It sounds like you are just being too hard on yourself.
  6. LonelyHiker

    LonelyHiker Waitering for Godot

    You're a good, kind, caring fellow, JD! Tell that depressive lying voice to go fuck itself!
    may71 likes this.
  7. agwoodliffe

    agwoodliffe Well-Known Member

    Rest assured, if you weren't a nice caring guy, you CERTAINLY wouldn't be writing about your concerns on this forum.

    I've met genuinely nasty people, and they are beyond ever being self-conscious. As far as they're concerned, it's never their fault; it's always someone else's fault.

    So from this thread alone, you have proved yourself wrong.
    Last edited: May 15, 2018
    may71 and LonelyHiker like this.
  8. Laurira

    Laurira Member

    I suck too

    But the first lines of ur post made me

    Thank you for that moMent of escape where I found something funny
  9. j2415

    j2415 Well-Known Member

    Hi- I’m sorry you are feeling this way. According to an article, highly successful people are the ones who have failed the most. It is impossible to live without failing at something. I also experienced disappointments in life, it made me upset and felt miserable for few days but I decided not to dwell on it. My mistakes and failures had made me stronger and better person.

    I pray that you will keep on going, learn from your mistakes and be able to move forward. Keep us posted. Take care, I hope you will feel better soon.
  10. Mishka1204

    Mishka1204 Well-Known Member

    @JD4010 you really don't :) or we can have "i suck more" competition :) write the book. If you're still alive you can make use of that time. You can always not finish it if that is your choice. I like a good horror:)
  11. JD4010

    JD4010 Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone. Yeah, I don't set out to suck. It's not a conscious decision where I say, "Gee, I'm going out today and screwing up people's lives because I suck." But I have this pervasive aura of suckiness that surrounds me. I've thought about it at length and have attempted to suck less.

    @Laurira I'll bet you don't actually suck.
    Laurira likes this.
  12. Laurira

    Laurira Member

    I do unfortunately

    But u don’t. See if you were really being a dick to ppl naturally you wouldn’t realsie it cos real dick heads don’t know they’re dick heads
  13. JD4010

    JD4010 Well-Known Member

    That's interesting. Maybe the dicks have no self-awareness of their own dickishness. Fascinating.

    Nonetheless...my existence is a drag on this universe and everyone who lives in it. I use up precious air and water that someone else could make better use of.
  14. Laurira

    Laurira Member

    I can assure you you are wasting no resources and sure air and water are renewable anyways so they can’t actually be wasted!!

    You speak along the same lines as me, and I also think I suck. But there’s ppl in the world who are pure evil who wouldn’t even consider for one second that they suck. When they really do.
  15. Walker

    Walker Everything Zen Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    Why do you think everyone else doesn't suck but you do? We're all our own worst critic, you know :)
  16. JD4010

    JD4010 Well-Known Member

    Yes, there are certainly other people who I think suck. As @Laurira notes, there are psychopaths who are pure evil. They obviously suck very much.

    I suck at a lower level than they do. I'm not knowingly harmful to others, until afterwards anyway...I blew up a relationship with a woman who meant everything to me. Again, not intentionally, but nonetheless it happened. This is the biggest suckiness I've experienced in a very sucky life.