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I really think I should kill myself tonight

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jungle420, Oct 10, 2012.

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  1. Jungle420

    Jungle420 Banned Member

    I am done with life, ive never been happy and I doubt I ever will. I fucked up my chances of socialising thanks to bad times being bullied for being too quiet and good natured at school and now I'm alone 24/7. I live with parents and they act as if I dont exist. I live in isolation and it's always been this way. There is nowhere to meet new people, I wouldn't know what to say anyway I havent spoke at all in years. I cant recall havin a long conversation in my life ever. I have been told im good looking by random people, even beautiful a few times yet I've never had a girl. I dont know where to get one or how to go about it. No one would believe me the life that I live, its a non existent life mostly staring into space doing absolutely nothing. I cant find work, im done with college.. there are no groups to join. im fucking sick of people on forums suggesting this as THERE IS NONE. I live in a fucking shithole where there is nothing to do. Ive been in MH twice and attempted suicide twice, my life was exactly the same then as it is now. I have nothing and noone. This is not being selfish because i understand third world countries and how they have it 50000times worse, no need to bring that into the equation here. I cant take being alone any longer, and without friends, anyone to talk to, a relationship, a job, money, something to look forward to. Everyday is exactly the same, and its always been the same. I've watched people live their lives whilst mine has been on standstill since i was born. im fucking done now I dont have anything to live for, I never did and never will. I dont want things to be better when im 25 im too fucking old then, my "Best years" are gone. my life is over, its nothing but more misery if you havent made something at 21. im almost 23 now and experienced nothing in life. Im not scared of death anymore. I cant get a <mod edit nyjmpmaster methods>. I've been here countless times and nothing ever changes. Why should I even bother to think anything through? what is there to think about, nothing will get better and even if it will my best years are over..and they were not good years at all. I've just been fucked around picked on laughed at and ridicule my entire life yet I've never done anything bad to anyone else. I really fucking give up. There is literally no point in my existence anymore. Dont mention about therapists or doctors either they are a fucking joke. stupid fuckingf ****s know fuck all about the human mind other than what they think they do. fuck medication too its just gonna give you fucking brain damage and it does exactly that. I dont want you fluoride laden fucking poison you <edit nyjmpmaster>fucking ****s. im done with doctors and therapists and that route, it landed me in hospital twice and i received zero care it was fucking pathetic, they wouldn't have even realised if i committed suicide right there in the place.

    Yhea im fucking done now, al li want is company insted of being alone 24/7 but no one gives you a chance if they even briefly sense you have no fucking life whatsoever. i dont even know where to try so I fucking give up. Life is a waste of fucking time and I have no desire to put up with anymore being lonely.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 10, 2012
  2. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You are very quick to point out the many things that you have no interest for and have tried very hard to explain why any and all likely avenues of suggestion have no value to you. I still have a couple points.

    1) Your assertion that it is too late and you are too old is simply wrong. Not a question about that in the least, wrong. Maybe you have been dealing with it all for as long as you are able but your age is of no consequence at all at 23.

    2) From a previous post you mentioned I have SA too and schizophrenia, I may also have borderline like my eldest sister does so this makes it very difficult to try and socialise now.. and here you say Dont mention about therapists or doctors either they are a fucking joke. stupid fuckingf ****s know fuck all about the human mind other than what they think they do. fuck medication too its just gonna give you fucking brain damage and it does exactly that. I dont want you fluoride laden fucking poison you Obviously you have some faith in them or you would not be talking about the diagnosis they gave you and explaining your difficulties based on social problems when admittedly suffering from SA. So far as the meds go - even if you were right about them all being useless poison (I do not happen to agree) then who cares about longterm issues if you admittedly have no interest in longterm anything? Try them, and if you get a couple of worthwhile years great- if not you have lost nothing. If you have schizophrenia then you are not making reasonable decisions without meds in any case.

    3) The user name would suggest the possibility of self medicating. May be something to be considered in current situation if that is the case.

    4) In previous posts and buddy chat a fair number of people have offered to get to know you and some quite close to where you are. May be worth a follow up with them to see if you can establish a bond with people that actually understand the difficulties you are going through.

    5) You posted here for some reason this morning, let us know what you want or how we can help and try to consider with an open mind.

    Take Care and Be Safe

  3. Jungle420

    Jungle420 Banned Member

    <mod edit nyjmpmaster rude and insulting> please be respectful in future posts
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    "Best years" are gone.

    No your best years are not gone you are just starting in life You do not know what future will be no one does. You are angry you are lonely yet you tell us you do not want to do nothing to change it. Meds are not poison You mind your thoughts are so distorted by depression you can see anything in a positive way. I did not meet my husband until i was 28 yrs old and yes i was lonely and upset but i did not give up You have to change where you are at no one else can do that You can volunteer every community needs volunteers and this would go on your work resume so you would have contacts references for job application. It is also a good way to meet people I hope you start to reach out to the doors that are open for you and use them ok to change where you stand right now
  5. Hey , wow I am so sorry to hear your life is like that ! ! ! :( I care and want to be friends and I am available to listen and talk .

    I can talk on things like Instant Messengers or social networking . Just let me know if it is okay or if you want to and I can private message the details to you right away . Again I am so sorry your existence sounds so painful but I will do anything I can to help and I also want company so yeah , please please please let ' s be friends . :(
  6. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling badly, but much of what you have said is incorrect. At 23, you are not "old." Where ever did you get the notion that your "best years" are gone? Do you mean your childhood? Sure, you're not a child any more... but you only JUST became an adult. You have many good years ahead. There are groups to join almost any where. Clubs, meetups, church organizations (no, you do not have to be a church goer to get into a church youth group). You could volunteer and meet people there... or maybe even get a job and meet co-workers. What about school? Have you considered college?

    I think that you have heard many suggestions before on how you could improve your life situation, but I think you also stated that you do not want or intend to follow any of those suggestions, so I won't continue to provide any. You have to care about yourself first before other people do, and you have to look to yourself first to pick yourself up and start taking action. For some reason, people have some sort of a notion that their situations are always the fault of everyone around them and that everyone is supposed to be helping them out... But the true fact of the matter is, you have to stand up and help yourself. You can have support here on this site from peers... and you can seek out other supports, as there are many out there, but you have to open up and accept them instead of cursing everything.

    Negative vibes continue negative reactions. Positive thoughts and plans and goals are always the only solution to resolving an unhappy situation.
  7. midnightstar

    midnightstar Senior Member

    Jungle sorry to hear of your struggles, please keep talking here, you can always drop me a visitor message if you'd like to have a bit of one-to-one support :hug:
  8. Underground

    Underground Well-Known Member

    Hey man.

    I'm sorry things are really fucked up for you right now, I just want to tell you, you know where I am if you want to talk. I know you're in that frame of mind where things people say just go through you, so all I'm gonna say is that I hope you're safe and well.

    Have you thought of going back to college and then go onto to uni if there's anything you're interested in studying? You'll be able to get out of the North-East, go somewhere new in the country and have a chance to get out of your comfort zone and meet new friends. It would help your employability and stuff too. Since you're on JSA you could go and do A levels or an Access course for free. Just a suggestion since you can't find work.

  9. lee-0890

    lee-0890 New Member

    i could say exactly same
    my best years have gone i live in a fucking shit hole were theres nothing to do in the north east of england amongst that i still try keep spirtit for my mumsy's sake. i dont care about anything im horrible looking 22 yr old ugly munt wiv fuck all money drrink offences on my license n criminal recored long as it goes. just basically trapped with VERY little exsistance at all on this planet. it does'nt bother me though whats most that can happen? you die? you go prison? you turn ill and go hospital? its life stay strong for your mum's sake. they dont deserve seeing us distroy ourselfs
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