I really want a drug to kill the pain

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by wallflower, Jul 19, 2008.

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  1. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    ...I really want a drug to kill the pain. I am always sad, always in pain, emotional pain, physical pain, mental anguish, anxiety, fear, panic, phobias, my motivation is gone...I have been smoking. I can't think anymore. I also want something to speed me up like caffeine, but something that I won't become tolerant to so easily. Yet, I have anxiety. So it's a catch 22. I can't take anything for anxiety because I get too tired to think, and I'm always so tired I can't take anything to speed me up.

    If I was handed a drug right now I would take it- no matter the drug. Am I just plain stupid? I don't think I have a self anymore...
  2. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    You people just don't really f-cking care do you?
  3. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    The drugs that are guaranteed to make you feel better, like morphine, or benzodiazepines, all lead to tolerance, which will lead you on a miserable path. I wish there was an answer to your question, but there is none... pot, maybe? Or finding the love of your life, quite possibly.
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    morphine and benzodiazepines are guranteed to make you feel better?
    I need some of that.
  5. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    xanax all the way. I have taken Hydrocodone and that made me feel so high I could have been floating on the clouds. Of course, I don't do drugs for recreation, those were just their effects on me when prescribed them. Benzos help when you are wired late at night and can't fall asleep.

    But honestly, In all seriousness, I think that I am getting out of control.
    I was chain-smoking yesterday for like an hour of non-stop inhaling from cigarettes to get the high, because I wanted a vision.

    Well, I sort of feel like it made me super aware of things, but then a little mad at the same time. I don't know what the hell I want anymore.

    That's when the drugs call me...I have never done anything illegal. I just want to find some sort of quick fix for something I can't even figure out...I can't figure out what I am trying to fix...just this emptiness...this spiritual void...emotional pain...that's it.

  6. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    Pot would just lead to paranoia...
  7. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I have lorazepam which is supposed to be strong for anxiety, but I take them more than I have to, not more than I'm supposed to but more than I have to.
    I know EXACTLY what you mean about trying to fill purposelessness.

    And I tried xanax and it didn't do anything for me :sad:. It makes me really fucking scared because everyone says that it calms them down so much. I feel so beyond repair when the drugs don't do shit for me. Even the anxiety meds I'm down only bring me down slightly.
  8. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    Oh... my bad.

    Be seriously careful with the benzodiazepines, though; it's a synthetic opiate that is more addictive than cocaine, for instance. If you end up addicted really bad, the lack of it can lead to beyond nightmarish anxiety that may even lead to severe delusions. Funny how legal drugs, that you easily can get ahold of, are far more dangerous than drugs that you may get years in prison for using. The total hypocrisy of the "authorities," as usual. :dry:
  9. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    Haha Yes, I agree with "the hypocracy of the authorities" for sure.
    Thanks for the adv. I don't usually take xanax unless I need it.
    Occasionally I have taken it to calm down, or catch up on sleep.
    But, I don't like snort it or use it as a drug.

    I didn't know that it was a synthetic opiate. I may have taken to much yesterday, I took 2 mgs...and then I had a sip of wine...suddenly I saw this bright light in my eyes, I slept that off though- could've been the stress, spending too much time on the net.
  10. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    The mind can be taught to do things, chemically, through visual things and conditioning. Not in a bad way though. Like, I am reading about Native American Medicine. It works, but it's more than a placebo affect. The rituals, the massages, the spirituality, it all comes down to training your mind to understand the world...and to connect to subconciouse levels.
    For anxiety, there are all sorts of things you can do, but I know anxiety is a pain in the a**.
  11. markr72

    markr72 New Member

    Wallflower, what books have u been reading about native american medicine, cuz i'm at the point, that ur at, with medicines.
  12. Punch

    Punch New Member

    Do you guys feel anything on benzo's? I was on klonopin for 3 months and never felt anything even if i took a lot until i stopped taking them, i felt like i had the flu and terrible anxiety for 9 days :sad:
  13. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    I smoke pot and I'm not worse. It makes me feel much better, very relaxed relieves stress, makes it easier to sleep. And it is less dangerous than many legal prescription drugs and cigarettes. Most of the bad things said about cannabis are propaganda.
  14. jhayes0027

    jhayes0027 Well-Known Member

    It can be surprising how many other drugs can lead to this as well. I use to be so paranoid I was worried about things even during times that I wasn't doing anything wrong. Just the thought of what I had done in the past maybe catching up to me.

    Best high to get is to try and get as high on life as possible. Everything else just leads to addiction or to a different choice of drug and relief. Not to mention that some habits are incredibly expensive. Then, oh God, what it feels like to stay high for weeks on end then suddenly have to come down. Sickness, paranoia against other people (not just against illegal activities), nightmares, thoughts of doing things you wouldn't normally do. Dependency is a bitch.

    Smoking pot effects everyone differently. For me it was a gateway to another world of drugs. For some it's the only drug they ever see or care to do. Never did much for me but make me more depressed though because of how tired it would make me. But I will never say I didn't eat well during my smoking days.
  15. Oriax []

    Oriax [] New Member

    I dont know much about pot, But opoids (Morphine, Hydrocodone, Oxycodone...) is defininitly 'Not' the way to go!
    Addiction to these are very easy and real, subtle enough not to notice for long and slowly making your life just overall worse.

    <mod edit: bunny - please do not encourage illegal activities>
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 16, 2008
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