I really want to die tonight

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by morning rush, Oct 18, 2012.

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  1. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I really do...I am so down...and I don't want to take a nap, which is normally what I do when I don't feel good...I'm just tired of trying and of living...why bother...life sucks...and I try, god knows I fucking try but no one really encourages it...life is a burden, it's forced onto you and your expected to just live like it was a natural response...well not me...why am I not like the others, wanting to live, having a family, find a mate, have children....why am I broken? why do I see people for who they really are and can't fake who I am...

    life sucks and no one cares...
     
  2. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    I care. I'm in pretty much the same boat too. Life does indeed suck but there are plenty of people who care, people who have a deep and meaningful capacity for loving others. As for being broken, welcome to the human race. You are authentic and see through the fa├žade that most people dress themselves in, your insightful.
     
  3. Lifeisagift

    Lifeisagift Well-Known Member

    Where there's life there's hope.
    Your vision of life makes you someone rare, trust me. Yeah we live in a wierd world where the goal seems to be hurting, cheating and pushing away people. You can't blame yourself because you don't belong to this kind of people. Trust me, you're awesome, and idiots that disappoint you just don't deserve to have you. You matter, you have the right to have expectations from them.
    Don't give up, there are so many crazy things to do in life. When i was down, i wrote a list of dreams...things i had to do before dying, even if it's crazy dreams... And actually everyday i extend the list.
    No matter how long it takes, purchase your dreams.
     
  4. Aria11

    Aria11 Member

    We are all broken. Most of us are fake, just like you pointed out. I, like you, have had horrible experiences with people. They keep dissapointing. I turned to animals. They are truly amazing and they helped me see life in a different way. I was once depressed but I found something I love. Think about what you love and chanel your energy in that direction. Forget about people and look at the remaining elements of life; animals, nature.. it is all beautiful. Instead of dwelling on the filth of our kind, rejoice in the beauty of life itself. I now live with 5 dogs, 5 cats and a perrot. I also have a horse. I spend most of my time in their company. I hope you find your own getaway. There is always hope...
     
  5. Mustang

    Mustang Well-Known Member

    I say this everyday! I just want to die!!! Life is totally meaningless. I pray every night that I don't wake up and when I do, I curse myself and the day! Life is pure crap!!! Anyone tells you different is lying!!!!!
     
  6. vermilion

    vermilion Member

    My feelings exactly.

    And that's not to say that I don't make the effort to change my life for the better but I feel the weigh of circumstances upon me. I am sick to death of 'being positive' and I think it has actually become an illness in itself. I have been seeing a psychiatric nurse but even though I may spend the intervening time in utter despair, at my appointments I wore a mask which obscured the pain and misery. At my last appointment he told me he thought that I did not need help even though I had spent the night trying to suffocate myself a few nights earlier.

    I have a suicide plan but it was just too damned cold to get out of bed to get my stuff together but everything is now within a few feet of my bed - next time I will be ready.

    One thing which stops me is the thought of how a few people will feel if I go through with it. But then I resent that feeling because it effectively says that I must continue suffering for other people.

    It would be so much simpler and easier for other people to bear if God were to show me mercy and let me die in my sleep. But in all my life of desperate prayer, I have never had so much as an inkling that a single word has been heard.

    As Johnny Rotten yelled in Pretty Vacant, 'There's no point in asking, you'll get no reply...'
     
  7. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    exkend, I guess...yeah I know I'm human and were a human race, thank you for reminding me (rolls eyes)

    I didn't mean broken in the same sense you think...but I guess I didn't really explain much since I was sad and in pain...thank you for calling me insightful...
     
  8. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    Lifeisagift, wow thank you :) that really cheered me up..sometimes I can be hard on myself...but thank you...before I didn't have a dream list, but as I'm slowly getting better I started to have a dream list...so I totally understand what you mean...
     
  9. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    aria11, I have two guinea pigs and they do cheer me up often...they love you unconditionally and accept you no matter what...so I totally agree with what you're saying, it's just that sometimes it's too much...and I need to vent...'cause if I keep it inside it becomes a heavy burden that hurts me more than anything
     
  10. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    mustang, I know what you mean, some days is just too much and then other days it's barely livable and then there are those rare days when it's just okay...I'm hoping this will change but after years of depression and therapy...idk...
     
  11. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    vermillon, I agree, some days I just can't take the cheer up, everything will be okay thing...it's like it's not working so leave me alone...but hearing about others do help me...I don't feel so alone and sometimes others see soemthing I didn't see...
     
  12. Mustang

    Mustang Well-Known Member

    You are exactly right right Vermillion! I am so, so tired. I have absolutely nothing to live for! Nothing. I am wasting space here. I have no goals, nothing to offer. Whoever thinks life is great and worth living are deluding themselves. I can't wait to die. It's all I dream about. I see a million pluses in dying than living! Hopefully this will be the weekend!
     
  13. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    This makes me smile. Animals are great. If you go, what will happen to your pets? Remember that too. It's a cliche but still apropos: take it one day at a time.
     
  14. missstupid

    missstupid Member

    It's shit life on lifes terms, one brick wall after another I agree why bother some people have mentioned animals for comfort I love dogs as it's unconditional where as humans have expectations and these lead to disappointment I was drawn to your post due to your user name morning rush as morbid as it sounds autumn rain is one of my favourite poems. I think to come on here anonymously and share our thoughts helps to unburden our mindset I would not dream of telling anyone how I feel on a daily basis they would probably have me sectioned but the few times ive come on here people who I don't know have shown understanding and support and that's got me through to the next day keep posting and thank you fir your honesty x
     
  15. lilodian4ever

    lilodian4ever Account Closed

    Aria11, you are my hero !

    What you said about forgetting about people is SO TRUE. People disappoint, they cheat, they lie, they ignore you, they discard you like trash. FUCK THEM.

    Animals, unlike people, are pure. They will love you unconditionally (just feed them) :)
     
  16. Mustang

    Mustang Well-Known Member

    Everyday is shit! There is no bright side. Each passing day is more and more shit!!! But the real kicker is I went through life with no ambition, no goals, nothing and only later in life I find out what I really want and what I have now I DO NOT want! I also have a kid now which I absolutely detest!!!!!!! I have to make an real effort to leave this planet and SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  17. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    count floyd, you're right...I don't want them to end up in a bad place. I love my piggies and one I rescued from a bad place...
     
  18. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    missstupid, you are so right...this place is awesome to post how you feel...most people understand and can relate...but in real life it is hard to express yourself..you sort of have to be perfect and only say good things...life is a big hypocrite...but here is okay to be honest
     
  19. dw84

    dw84 Member

    I feel the same thinking of taking some tabs and me done with it life is shit
     
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