i really want to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by letmego3, Nov 22, 2010.

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  1. letmego3

    letmego3 Well-Known Member

    i am ready and want to die but the only person is stopping me is my mother. So i am having to live but want to die therefore stuck in the middle. I can't wait to get out of here. Once my mother passes away i am soooo gone!!

    The problem is i'm a useless man. Can't keep up with the pace at work, no matter how hard i try. Asking stuipid questions not taking the initiative because i'm dumb. People are always doing slightly better and not breaking a sweat. Yet I'm always anxious worried about making a mistake and trying to do my best. I am a loser at everything and i suck! i deserve whats coming to me in the future by my own hands. So i want to be dead, where you are nothing. i know how it is to be done. Mother is the one and only person, i wish i could have her approval for my demise, but thats not gonna happen is it? i will most likely die by my own hands in the future its just a matter if time and the sooner the better.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    It is quite remarkable to have a relationship like you have with your mother...obviously, there is love and caring...also, sounds like your performance anxiety is getting in your way...have you spoken to someone about that and maybe found a way to reduce it? Anxiety disorders are quite treatable and this may help you to be more successful at work...big hugs, J
     
  3. letmego3

    letmego3 Well-Known Member

    the only person i want to speak to about my anxiety is the undertaker, but by then i will not have any more anxiety lol i am just a loser who was born with a loser stamped on my birth certificate.

    But anyway thank you Sadeyes, God bless you and lots of hugs n kisses xxx
     
  4. All these mixed emotions

    All these mixed emotions Well-Known Member

    Hey

    So no dreams, no wishes, no hope?

    Why in such a hurry to leave? How old are you?

    Hugs

    //L
     
  5. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Its okay to make mistakes, we are only humans. I wish you would reconsider your outcome, your life can change with alot of work from you, nope it wont be easy but life is what we make it noone else can make our lifes happy, easy, or anything else unless we work at it ourselves. Im sorry that you see no other way out, but there is.

    Can you talk to your mom and explain how you feel and whats going on inside. I can guarantee you that if shes any kind of mom that she will want to help you and be there for you.
     
  6. letmego3

    letmego3 Well-Known Member

    All these mixed emotions: :hug::hug::hug:

    doityourself: :hug::hug::hug:

    im going to bed because i'm tired and have to wake up early in the morning. i want to leave on a good note despite how i really feel. lots of love to all on this forum :grouphug:
     
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Why not speak to someone about your anxiety? What can you loose? Your anxiety? Mine used to be crippling...was so scared that I had to go to the other side of the street when I saw people coming (and no one was aware so I suffered in silence feeling like a fraud and so alone)...please reconsider...it may be a welcomed change...and bless you too...J
     
  8. Prophet

    Prophet Well-Known Member

    I'm in a similar position to you twinkle. I hold on against my will for my mother.

    It's no way to live. Although I don't want to do that either.

    Sorry this wasn't very helpful. Just letting you know you're not alone.
     
  9. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Hope today has been better than yesterday and that tomorrow will be better than today.
     
  10. letmego3

    letmego3 Well-Known Member

    Sadeyes: spoke to many people about my anxiety. Its much less now than a few years ago, but still affecting me obviously. Anxiety is just so stubborn, it does not want to go away. It drains so much energy out of me its unreal. Had anxiety for so long that i cannot remember what its like to have zero anxiety around people. Prophet it is a difficult situation to be in, we are trying to hang in this life for our parents but i don't know if i can carry on longer for the next few years. Doityourself it has been a better day today than yesterday. But i know this never lasts and i will always be faced with a difficult situation once again.
     
  11. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Yep, these diseases we have have huge ups and downs, but remember when your thinking that the downs are here know the ups are around the corner. It does suck that they last so long and take so much out of you, can you try and come up with some ways to lighten the load. Like when Im under alot of anxiety I read or write, nothing special just putting my thoughts down or ranting about an issue im having helps me so much.
     
  12. ferdinan

    ferdinan Member

    i really want to die too. Today I looked for my charcoal grill that I attempted with last time but its mysteriously gone. My parents who caught me on my last atttempt must have thrown it away to prevent me from using it again. I know that its hard my friend, but I understand what feelings your going through. At least your able to work, I am not.
     
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