I haven't been to this site in at least a couple of weeks. It seems things flow in waves for me. I feel like I'm doing fine but then I start to fall apart all over again. It makes me feel like giving up because how many times do I have to go through this. I wish I had support aside from ppl online. I started seeing a doc but quit going, I've lost friends, and my family is so into God and religion that they don't want me to get help or take meds. It's almost like they won't even acknowledge that my problems exist. When I was seeing a doc I had to sneak and lie about it because I know they wouldn't approve and they'd give me a hard time about it. I've been doing fine but right now I'm triggered and there is nothing more I'd like to do than get my favorite special knife or even a razor and go at it! I've been doing pretty well with things, but right now it seems like nothing else will help ease the pain. I wish ppl understood that 1.I don't do it for attention! Why would I want that kind of attention and 2. I Don't choose to be this way....I don't choose to be a lesbian, I just am, I don't choose to be depressed or suicidal. I just want to get through this painful time...does anyone have any helpful suggestions on what they do when they have the urge to cut?