Hi Meilma,
I hope you are still with us and have not committed an irreversible act. I know how you feel, and have to some extent been in your shoes. I was the primary breadwinner and became severely ill with my bipolar disorder last summer. By the end of August, I was no longer able to work. There was no way my husband's income could have kept us in our home, and even if it was enough to live on in a small rental, it would have been very very tight, if possible at all.
But I have a good life insurance policy. And it will pay for suicide.
By the end of October, I had made the decision to end my life rather than allow my family (husband and two children under the age of 13) to become homeless. I was not going to allow my illness to completely ruin everything - now, obviously I wasn't thinking clearly, because a parent's suicide, no matter what age the children are, is devastating, no matter how financially secure the family is left. But all I could see were my children shivering on the streets in the middle of a Northeast winter, and I couldn't allow that.
When things seemed their bleakest, good things began to happen. I was approved for disability payments and we were accepted into a loan modification program with our mortgage lender. Now, 9 months later, we are still in our home and I have been able to function again.
You may not be able to see them right now...but you do have options. Are you able to collect any kind of unemployment compensation? How many months are you able to pay the mortgage at this point, either with savings or cashing out investments? Could you sell the house? You may not be able to see patients, but what about research? Or teaching? Can you do something for the next couple of years and then retire early at age 59 1/2? I think that's when you are able to begin making withdrawals on any 401(k) type investments that have age restrictions. Look into a "HAMP loan modification" with your mortgage lender. Even if you don't qualify for a HAMP, they may have some in-house programs that you might qualify for. (HAMP mods are the homeowner's relief mortgage workouts that were pushed for by Congress.)
I am sorry that your wife is being so mean to you. That's not OK. I know you said you do not have insurance or the funding available for a therapist. Some will work on a sliding scale based on your current income. Somehow your wife needs to be made to understand how she is hurting you and what the ultimate consequences will be.
Please, try to come out of the "planning stage" long enough to consider what other options you might have. You might be surprised to find things you hadn't considered before.