i realy dont want to die, but i must...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by marabela, Feb 19, 2009.

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  1. marabela

    marabela New Member

    I dont see the other way out. Onlay 6 month ago my life was perfect. I am 47 years old, have wonderfol family and perfect husband. I can tell my life was a life anyone wonted. I ewen can tell i has a "lot" of money...
    And one day i was robbed in the midle of the day in almost main street, by a person you wont to meet.
    They tell me i must pay a sum of xxx money if i dont wont, they pay someone to rape my dother. Thats the way my drama begin, 6 mnth without sleeping, eating, and always feel my hearth beat ib strange place...They was telling me, if i told somthing to police, it will be more wors then rape, and that i must remember that hwe a son to..
    I was payed to them. And in some strange god will they was cought by police for some other crime...
    My prolem is that i didnt talk about it with enyone, i wass teling to poeple who asked me what happend (i lose a lot of weight) that i am "at that age" and have a hormonal problem. May husband dont know anything becouse he is not at home, he work on ship and i coundt tell him what is happening to me. He will probably come home (and be wihout peyment) and money was the things a need more than anything.
    Soo, i lose abbout 65 000 euros, all we have saved for study of our child and our "old days". He will come home in beggining of May, and i have no courage to tell him what happend. He is working to hard for this all his life. I dont know how will he react, maybe he wil be angry at me becouse i was not going to police, maybe he will cry with me and courage me, ...but i cant wait for may, now i am at position that i didnt pay for house loan, for children school and have no money to go to store ... i have no courage to deal with all this...this 6 month ruined me. My family dont know about all this too. I was afraid that some of them will call police if i tell, and the "bad guy" will do harm to my children,
    So what else can i do? My parent will take care about my children i am shure, husband will stay more on ship, working...and all will finished ok. But i must go, i cant wait to see how ewvrything i loved and worked for, gone, my house, my marriage (posibly)and future for my children.
    I know my english is bad but i must to tell that to someone. I dont need a help, yust to put out all from my head, and go..
     
  2. EmptyLife

    EmptyLife Well-Known Member

    I think you should go to the police.
    Do you have any friends and family you can talk to? A doctor you can see?
    When your husband gets home, have friends with you to break the news to him.
    If he loves you, he will understand -- right?
    And we are here for you.
    Don't punish yourself for this. Talk to people.
     
  3. marabela

    marabela New Member

    I cant talk to anbody, this bad guy are in prison, but they friend a still free.
    And i dont want to have anything with them ever. Before all that i was thinking that love is strongest emotion, now i know is not - is fear. You can feel fear with all bady, bones, mind and heart. I cant go thrue same feeling again.
    I have no srenght to go thru all what expect me, i cant...
    belive me i was brave, there was a moment when "they" called me on phone, telling me where to bring money, and belive me, see them and talk with them was "close to death expirience" i have no courge to deal with problems any more. I know in that time that i must do whatewer they told me, or my child wil pay, and i was brave, for my children...but if i must be brave for myself is different. I cant.
     
  4. jenn90

    jenn90 Member

    Well, you shouldn't feel afraid of your husband's reaction - it wasn't your fault!

    I agree with EmptyLife, call the police, they will handle everything. Have you considered moving from your house?
     
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