I refuse to turn into an old piss-machine

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Valteron, Sep 4, 2015.

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  1. Valteron

    Valteron Well-Known Member

    Since most of the people on this forum are young people with young problems, I don't expect this thread to interest a lot of you, but here goes. I am getting more and more attracted by the idea of suicide because I am a 67-year-old man who has become incontinent after surgery. In case you are wondering, incontinent means you cannot control your urination normally, and that it drips out of you all day instead. It means wearing special pads and undewear under your clothing that absorb the piss. It means changing the pads three or four times a day. It means sitting around in your own piss like some disgusting old invalid.

    My problems began last June when my urinary system kept blocking up, which is life-threatening. You can die from urine backing up into your kidneys. After two complete blockages, the doctors decided I should have an operation that frees up the urinary system and lets you whiz freely. I had the operation on July 20.

    It worked fine, except for one thing. Now, instead of staying in the bladder and being let out in a normal piss a few times a day, the friggin' urine just dribbles out all day, into my incontinence garments. The urologist who did the operatioon keeps telling me things will get better and I will return to normal functioning. She promised that three weeks ago, and now we are 7 weeks from the operation and no improvement. I get the sneaky feeling the doctors are trying to get me used to the idea that I will be like this for the rest of my life.

    Well, no f---ing way, man. Before I turn into s disgusting old piss-machine, I will check out of this life. There is no quality of life when you have to keep changing pads full of friggin piss every day. There is no dignity, no pride. Life is not worth living.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Have you inquired about catheterisation?
    Here's some info on it:

    Indwelling (or Foley) CatheterAn indwelling catheter is a thin tube inserted into the urethra for long-term use. The catheter drains urine into a bag that is either attached with a strap around a leg underneath pants or a skirt so that you can be active during the day, or it is hung from the side of a bed (generally used at night, or for those who remain in a bed for long periods of time). Indwelling catheters are often used during many medical procedures, including most surgeries, regardless of whether or not the individual has incontinence. Also, in some cases of constant urine leakage an indwelling catheter is used. If left in place for long periods of time, infection may occur.

    Maybe this would help for now?
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there. I am only 26 and I have a urologist, I had to have a cystoscopy done in January due to pain and my bladder not emptying when it should have. They found my bladder wall was inflamed and I take macrodantin every single day (anti biotic and a prevention treatment for infections), I have to use those ''always discreet'' pads as well as sometimes my bladder won't ''hold''. So yes, even the 26 year olds can understand. I am really sorry you are going through this but don't let it make you feel like a sub-human because you aren't. Fight this head on and if you need the pads let it be, if there is anything I can do to help please let me know.
  4. Valteron

    Valteron Well-Known Member

    Sorry, I know you are trying to help, and I thank you, but I had a catheter for two solid weeks before my operation. In terms of quality of life, it is not really better than incontinence garments. In many senses it is worse. For example, you are afraid to turn over in your sleep for fear you will pull the catheter out of you or pull a tube and wake up to a puddle of piss on the floor.
  5. Valteron

    Valteron Well-Known Member

    Thank you for that message. But at 67 I really wonder what would be the point of living out the rest of my life with a soggy bag of piss between my legs. But your encouragement is kind.
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