So, I've been wanting to kill myself for a decade now. It started very young. In 3rd grade I wished I was never born. In 4th grade I wanted to stop existing. In 5th grade I hated myself and wanted to die. In 6th grade I wanted to kill myself. And it's been that way ever since. I'm 22 now and have been dealing with this bs for so long, never telling anyone. Never confiding in the few friends I had for fear it would scare them away. Well 2 weeks ago, I snapped. I had been planning my suicide for months. I had all the preparations taken care of and I decided that I was going to carry out my plan that night. Well, my dad just happened to start texting me while I was getting ready for the end, and I cracked. I told him I was going to kill myself. He called me and, ya know, told me not to, and that he was coming to see me and to not do anything til he got there, and I completely broke down. I started crying, harder than I've ever cried. Gritting my teeth, clutching my sides, and trembling. I trembled and shook and shivered so hard that the muscles in my back and neck ached for a week afterwords. I had tiny little bruises under my eyes from closing them shut so tightly while I bawled, unable to even breathe. It was awful. I was in a parking lot at Walmart and I just decided to sleep (or attempt to) in the car and wait for him there. He showed up the next morning and told the friends I was staying with what I almost did. I don't think they believe that I was actually suicidal. I'm pretty sure they think I was just doing it for attention. Anyway, after he arrived we went and got breakfast, drove around and talked, went to see a therapist, and talked about ways to feel better and look forward to the future. But I don't see a future with me in it. I don't want to live. And I have regretted texting my dad every single day since that night. I wish so badly that I had gone through with it. I wish I was dead. There is nothing here for me. I suppose it's never to late, but I did promise my dad that I would stick around and try to get help. The people I care about and love are all that matters to me anymore. I don't care about myself, I don't care about my life, I only care about them. I really don't wanna hurt them, but I'm so, so tired of living. I just want the pain to go away.