I remember going down to the seafront...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by I*feel*so*unsure, Jan 10, 2007.

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  1. I was at Uni so depressed, didn't want to go on anymore. I was staying with friends who offered me a place to stay, I was so greatful! but it didn't end well!

    I went out to the sea, yep! that was it I was fed up! couldn't help myself anymore couldn't go on with my studies (I wasn't doing well anyway!). sat on the edge! no-one likes me evryones so fake, they dopn't really care I was obsessed with my fact that no-one liked me. I had so many people around me but felt totally alone. my grandmother died that year and hit my dad really hard and i saw him cry for the first time in my life. Tried to be there! I always try to be there for everyone else but no-one seems to really care about me! I feel like I sound selfish and needy but that was the first time I really let anyone help me and it was just sour! I had never asked for anything always there for others! The salty water splashed all over me I seriously thought that the sea was trying to pull me in another person caught up in its fun.
    I sat there things running through my mind, i was soaked and had to change the way i was thinking. I was soaking wet all over 'It was waking me up, It was waking me up, "come back, come back, get out of your hole!" I believe it was just trying to wake me up!

    on and off I have wanted to kill myself I am back at my low point again!
    but because I don't believe iin life after death, it becomes really difficult to because I know the pain I am feeling will def. go away If I did die but I wouldn't feel it. I want to 'live life to the full' but I can hardly move!

    I was molested when younger 7, I was (I don't know if I can call it kidnapped) but was taken away by a girl much older than me and beaten up really badly when I was just 5 years old! she brought me back to my parents saying she found me like that. I've been beaten continuosly by my mother, my dad has been around all my life and i do love him but he never helped me! people aroound me don't know this but I can't trust anyone.
    how can I help myself? anybody?
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Go to your doctor and tellhim/her exactly what you've said here. If you can't say it print out the page and give him that to read.
    There is help, you just need to reach out and grab it. :hug: :hug: :hug:
  3. Thank you, yes I guess I am trying to do something about it. I have been going to a counsellor once every 2 weeks and really that is the only thing to look forward to. I have told her what happened when I was 7, but not everything else. My mother is an alcholic and it really difficult and we think it really started at the time of that event. I feel so responsible. I feel that she hates me, well she tells me this. but never wants to talk to me, I feel like I disgust her. as it was a family friend. Shes said so maany horrible tings to me and puts me down constantly! like I went to uni I have my degree but she is never supportive of me and it hurts so much becuase I had to deal with her depression whilst I was depressed at uni!
  4. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Please don't give up and Dev raises a good point try to write down absolutely anything and everything that upsets you and keep going and try to get to the main things.I know you're hurting so badly but I also know you're trying simply because you're pulling on and reaching for help and doing thing's,Please don't give up just PLEASE!
  5. It feels really good to know that you are supporting me! All I can do everyday is cry. I don't have a job which is even worse for me I don't have anything else but to think and be around my mother, but I think its just that I am used to her putting me down so much! I was soo upset yesterday I realise I didn't make much sense i'm sorry.

    I have been going to the counsellor but you know I feel there is this huge rock on my chest (a weight) I can actually feel something not letting me breath. I went out today for the first time since my last session and felt terrible I felt so ill. I know that may be because I hadn't been out for fresh air for a while. I am trying. I want to live but it's so hard.

    Thank you so much for the advice. I will go and see her for as long as I can, not sure if I can tell anyone face to face yet, but that is something I need to work on. I will also try to write down my feelings and try not to feel so alone. Thanks
  6. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Glad to see you're really trying and try to take your time and go easy on yourself as much as you can,nothing is easy to do of course but trying to lean on those who care and working slowly towards improving yourself you can't ask for much more.You're doing your best and speak to who you're comfortable about what you're feeling good idea.
  7. red_trail

    red_trail Active Member

    hugs xx
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