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I Retain The Option....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Godsdrummer, Feb 14, 2011.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I keep riding this rollercoaster, experiencing the joys of the highs in life and the terrible pain of the lows.

    Recently the lows have been winning. And everytime that happens, I always remember that I have this option available to me.

    I keep that option in my back pocket, ( I am of course referring to suicide) and I know that I can use that if it becomes needed.

    Just to give u an idea how f'd up my life is, I got a warning at my part time job delivering pizzas? Come one....a warning. of Course then again I ama 44 year old man who has to deliver pizzas on the weekends.

    What a screw up I am.
  2. Sulpher_Skin

    Sulpher_Skin Member

    Hey, I'm glad you decided to come and talk about your feelings. I know it always feels like the lows are winning because the lows are so much stronger and last longer it seems. Just remember that suicide is never a back-up option, it's a permanent and irreversible opt-out clause. When you invoke that particular choice, there is no going back, it's a one-way road. I know what it feels like to feel like a failure, I'm a 23 year old male who is disabled due to back surgery and unable to support my wife and children. I've learned not to focus on that though, and I'd ask you to do the same. Don't wallow in the present or the past, look to the future and remember that things can always turn around. If you ever need anyone to talk to man, please PM me anytime, and I'll be glad to talk.

    With Love,
  3. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Everyone gets warnings at work these days - don't let it worry you.

    Delivery jobs are OK - you can do worse than that.

    Maybe people are just being cry-babies when you post the pizza through the letter box or something.

    Maybe instead of a round pizza it should be oblong so it can fit through the letter box.

    Alternately it could also posted up the bosses backside if he or she whines too much!

    What was the warning actually for?
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hun in my opinion, keeping your option safe and nearby is not such a bad thing. I do the same with my thoughts of suicide and I keep the things I need to cut clsoe at hand always. They make a sort of security blanket for me. Yet having them there, it seems to make me try a little harder to make sure I dont need to use them. But great relief to know that when I finally hit that last obstacle that I just cannot pass or get around, well, the other is there ready. I know sounds warped and sick and so many other things. But I dont know, think of it as a special blanket or teddy bear you had as a child. The security it gave you when you needed it. But you could put it somewhere safe and felt a little bit more secure knowing it was there.

    As for the job, hun you've got one. Dont be so hard on yourself. Because of my mental health and physical helath issues, I cannot be employed. I feel so guilty sitting here day after day praying I had even a few hours a week. So hun be proud that you are capable and able to work. This job doesnt have to be forever. But it sure beats not having one in the long run right?
    Tigger you've been through so much. And Im not going to lie, you're going to go through even more. That's life. But we have got to do what we can with it. Cuz if we dont, then that last option is pretty grim and sets the rest of our days pretty much in stone. No turning back from that is there?
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