I keep riding this rollercoaster, experiencing the joys of the highs in life and the terrible pain of the lows. Recently the lows have been winning. And everytime that happens, I always remember that I have this option available to me. I keep that option in my back pocket, ( I am of course referring to suicide) and I know that I can use that if it becomes needed. Just to give u an idea how f'd up my life is, I got a warning at my part time job delivering pizzas? Come one....a warning. of Course then again I ama 44 year old man who has to deliver pizzas on the weekends. What a screw up I am.