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I ruined everything

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My depression and anger issues have ruined my marriage. Tonight my husband said he wants a divorce. I don't think the marriage can be saved, I've said too many mean things, to many awful things that can't be taken back and have done too much damage. I'm so screwed up and when I get mad, there is no limit to what I say, then after I regret it. My kids are going to be devastated, and I just can't handle the guilt of knowing it was my fault. I'm just done. Just tired of feeling depressed. Its been my entire life and I'm always just waiting for something to change but it never does, I always feel like this. I always either feel bad or worse, and tonight its just beyond words. Wondering if its even worth it anymore.


Staff Alumni
Hi and welcome...I know I have reacted in such rage that I am surprised anyone relates to me...would your husband agree to a time-out period while you seek counselling so that he see that you are trying to communicate with him? Maybe that might be a place to start to repair the relationship, and more importantly, for you to have a place to express these feelings...please continue to post and let us know how you are, and feel free to PM me if it would be helpful...welcome again, J
omg....sounds just like my life. i just have a hard time shutting my mouth. And I know I am ruining my sweet kids. I just want to go away. my doc is someone I don't even trust to help me take care of my depression and I can't afford a therapist. People just don't seem to even care if I live or die.


Well-Known Member
Everyone has their issues. I have anger too, I think, but everyone copes how they know how. Saying mean things or doing them, I'm the type of person that never forgives and never forgets. I certainly undertand being angry, reacting badly to stuff, taking stuff out on yourself, but you just can't take it out on others because that's just not the person you want to be. If we really set our minds to it we can change a lot in our lives it's rarely the case where there is no more hope. Good luck and don't give up.
Its just been so long of the same thing, me screwing things up, saying sorry, and doing the same crap again. I feel worthless, like him and my kids would be better without me. I dont feel like there is hope for anything to improve, that my life will just continue to decline. My kids see me sad all the time, they don't understand why I cry a lot and sleep too much. What an awful thing for them to see. My husband doesnt acknowledge depression as a real thing, and thinks I'm lazy, when really its that I feel so bad that I can barely drag myself out of bed most days, and spend the day wishing it was time to go to sleep again. I dont clean anymore because I just dont care about the house. I dont fix my hair, wear makeup, none of that anymore.

I just dont see what is left for me. I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to feel happy about. I hate to say this but I don't even feel happy about being with my kids anymore, and that makes me feel like a bad mom, another thing I'm a failure at! I could go on and on. No point really.
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