I ruined my life today

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by prettylies, Apr 16, 2016.

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  1. prettylies

    prettylies Member

    I don't even know how I managed to but today I pretty much lost both of my jobs. I've been working at Mcdonald's for about a month now and I absolutely hate it, I get treated horribly by both customers and my managers and I just got tired of it and didn't go in this morning which was stupid on my part... but the thought of calling and quitting made me panic as my manager is my best friend's dad and I don't want him to be mad at me. He called both me and my mom and my mom was yelling at me all morning about calling. I never did and I'm just so scared to I know that's bad but I'm terrified. I don't want to get yelled at anymore.
    I thought I had my other job as a hostess to fall back on but when I went in for my shift today my manager there told me she had both of my shifts for this weekend covered. I asked why and she told me I had 3 no call/no shows last weekend because I didn't go to a meeting (I had to take my ACT) which I talked to my boss about and he said it was fine and not to worry about it. I was supposed to work a double shift last Sunday but I was going out of town so I got my co-worker to cover them for me. Well I guess he never showed up and I'm the one getting in trouble for it. I explained both of those to her and she just nodded and said to call her on Monday and "you're lucky you're adorable". I'm pretty sure I'm getting fired so I'm debating just not calling and leaving because what's the point.

    Honestly I don't even know what to think or feel. I cried for like 3 seconds but now I'm just empty. I thought I was going downhill but I never imagined this, I didn't think I could ever fuck up this badly. My mom's at work now and I'm home alone and I'm terrified of confronting her about it because money's tight and my jobs are really our only income as she only gets about 7 hours a week where she works. I know I fucked everything up and I made bad decisions and I'm not emotionally or mentally okay right now and I haven't been for a while. How am I even gonna get a job now like this. I'm so mad at myself I was doing so good! Everything was good and now it's just falling apart. I'm seriously so done with everything I just want it to end
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi honey, I am really sorry to hear of the distress you are going through but ending your life will solve nothing. Instead of yelling at anyone or anyone yelling at you why not talk to your mom about how you are feeling? Depression can make you lose interest in everything and anything and you need to be aware of the symptoms so you can get treated properly. Are you seeing a doctor? A re you on medications? It's time toget real and try to undo the damage done! I am always around if you need someone to talk to. I care. I truly do ((big hugs))
  3. prettylies

    prettylies Member

    My mom doesn't listen to me, I mean she tries but she always says I'm wrong and I don't know what I'm saying and she makes me feel stupid. I know she doesn't mean to but that's always what happens, she has bipolar depression so she thinks that's the only way to be depressed and that my depression isn't real even though I'm diagnosed. I am on lexapro but I don't think it's working anymore, I haven't seen my psychiatrist in a while or been to therapy because I was doing so good! Everything was going so well and now this is happening so fast and nothing feels real and I don't know what to do
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Take it one day at a time. Talk to your McDonalds manager when you can in the morning and see if you can make up a shift tomorrow if you dont have to work the other job. Running or hiding is just going to make it all worse. Sometimes ripping the bandaid off faster is more helpful than doing it too slow
    fosty likes this.
  5. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Hun I am sorry to hear this has happened.

    Actually I don't think it sounds like you're losing your hosting job, judging by what she said. But that's just my opinion of her words.

    But more importantly; please go see your psychiatrist and therapist again. The thing about recovery from depression etc. is that there are ups and downs... and for now you sound like you need the treatments more than ever. You deserve to do that for yourself.
  6. prettylies

    prettylies Member

    Well I called and quit mcdonalds . I was so scared doing it I literally called said I quit and hung up... but I talked to my other manager today and she said I'd be back on the schedule next week but I am getting written up for being a no call no show. So I feel a little better knowing I can still have a source of income but I think it's gonna take a lot of time and effort to make it up to her and show her I'm a good employee... and I texted my coworker explaining what happened but I'm still waiting on a response.
    I might try and find my doctor's email and see if she can see me soon. It's hard for me to open up when I talk to her like I feel SO pathetic and I end up just lying saying everything's okay. I don't know why, I spend such a long time and then when I finally get there I get scared and just lie. Asking for help isn't something I usually do cause I feel like I'm not worthy of it and nobody will believe me and I dont know. I'm just scared of everything my anxiety is literally through the roof
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