I Sabatoged Myself Again

[Forgotten_Man]

You know for all my want and desire to get in shape, I sure fuck myself over a lot. The fact that I am sitting here sipping on a 44 oz Coke from Subway is proof of that. I need to stop fucking doing this. Yet I am a weakling. I need my sweet fatty foods and sugars. Because I am a weak little... umm weakling :sweat: do not want to say girl.

I am not looking for sympathy. I do not deserve it. I have been on this regiment for almost a month now. If anything I want to be scolded. How does one keep their strength when depression weakens them?

I should just kill myself and get it over with. Right now I am lying to myself. I am not dedicated enough to lose the weight. The coke is not the only thing I had this weekend. I had many more things. Sonic Ocean water, a buffalo burger. I am just a fraud. Good by $1000

 

[twistedwhispers]

You know for all my want and desire to get in shape, I sure fuck myself over a lot. The fact that I am sitting here sipping on a 44 oz Coke from Subway is proof of that. I need to stop fucking doing this. Yet I am a weakling. I need my sweet fatty foods and sugars. Because I am a weak little... umm weakling :sweat: do not want to say girl.

I am not looking for sympathy. I do not deserve it. I have been on this regiment for almost a month now. If anything I want to be scolded. How does one keep their strength when depression weakens them?

I should just kill myself and get it over with. Right now I am lying to myself. I am not dedicated enough to lose the weight. The coke is not the only thing I had this weekend. I had many more things. Sonic Ocean water, a buffalo burger. I am just a fraud. Good by $1000

You hit the nail on the head. I need to lose weight. Not for looks anymore but for my health. I try to diet. I have even done it for 2 whole days in a row. Wow. What an accomplishment *said sarcastically*

It's hard to do when your mind is saying it wants to die. I mean how can you do something "positive" when all you feel is negative? About yourself. About your future. In my eyes, I have no future.

Life can sure suck sometimes.

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to say, you are not alone in your feelings.

 

[Forgotten_Man]

You hit the nail on the head. I need to lose weight. Not for looks anymore but for my health. I try to diet. I have even done it for 2 whole days in a row. Wow. What an accomplishment *said sarcastically*

It's hard to do when your mind is saying it wants to die. I mean how can you do something "positive" when all you feel is negative? About yourself. About your future. In my eyes, I have no future.

Life can sure suck sometimes.

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to say, you are not alone in your feelings.

That must be rough. I know I could not diet if I knew lack of dieting would speed up my dying. :hug: . Lets not give up ok. Kets keep trying, I am glad I am not the only one suffering though this.

 

[Prinnctopher's Belt]

Don't be too hard on yourself. You can still incorporate sweets into your lifestyle, but try them in smaller portions instead. It could help you feel less guilty afterward. :-o :Leiaha:

 

[poison]

i guess i'm blessed in the sense that i am naturally fairly thin. i can drink/eat basically whatever i want with not too many consequences but at the same time, i'm only 17 so this will have to cease at some point. i am going to miss drinking a can of soda every hour

 

[bluegrey]

I run most days (been cutting back due to a painful foot problem) and I find that the discipline it takes to keep running through adverse weather conditions or physical symptoms carries over to deciding what I eat. I am sick of fruit and would rather eat pretzels, chips or other garbage carbohydrates but I know those foods have a terrible long term effect on a person's physical health. I am suicidal yet caring for my health because I am usually already struggling with fatigue from sleep deprivation and falling apart from physical neglect would make my depression much worse.

Bad habits are easier to avoid than break. Garbage food makes you crave more garbage food. I would lose what is left of my sanity if I didn't treat myself to some daily junk food so completely depriving myself is not the answer either.

I'm hoping you can improve your diet Forgotten Man because the temporary "highs" you get from a meal of tasty garbage are not worth the long term self loathing. :console:

 

[Forgotten_Man]

@poison: Do not worry hun, my friend is the same as you and she is 30.

@bluegrey: Yeah you are right.... I am definitely trying to fix my diet. I am getting better at it... >.> just need to have more discipline. Thanks for the encouragement.

 

[Daphna]

I think it may be why you want to lose weight that is not working for you. I believe you can lose weight when you decide to. I know that you think you are ready, but the fact that you cannot do it proves you aren't. Stop being so negative. Could you imagine how as a baby you never allowed things to get into your way of doing what you needed? You did not lose hope when you fell from trying to walk, and you did not give up when you dropped food all over the place while trying to feed yourself. Be persistent and dedicate your efforts. Do not give up, and work at your own pace. All will be well friend. I have faith in you. Blessings..

 

[Michael Ayin]

. I am suicidal yet caring for my health because I am usually already struggling with fatigue from sleep deprivation and falling apart from physical neglect would make my depression much worse.

Same here. If I stopped exercising outright my depression would even worsen. I've been there.

 

[twistedwhispers]

i guess i'm blessed in the sense that i am naturally fairly thin. i can drink/eat basically whatever i want with not too many consequences but at the same time, i'm only 17 so this will have to cease at some point. i am going to miss drinking a can of soda every hour

I weighed 95 pounds at the age of 16. I remember getting my
driver's license. The lady there said "that just ain't right" when
I gave her my weight. LOL

 

[Hello4902]

Ive found dieting was near impossible for me with depression, not because of how much I ate, but because of what I ate.

Fatty foods were my solace from depression, I don't smoke or drink so that was my vice. Giving that up made me more depressed than anything, It sure dulled the sadness whenever I ate it. I eventually lost the weight when I get on my ADHD medicine though, not only did it kill my hunger, but it killed my hunger for junk food. A fast food burger and a salad were equals to me now, it was just food, so I was able to make the choice to eat WELL and not even think about what I was missing.