I scared...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Anju, Jun 2, 2008.

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  1. Anju

    Anju Well-Known Member

    I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
    I am losing the one person I love most. They're the only good thing in my life, the only thing keeping me from going over the edge and I'm losing them.
    At the end of the summer I could be stuck with s**t exam results because I haven't been good enough and guess who's to blame...me. As always -_-
    I don't want to spend the rest of my life working crappy behind the till jobs. If that's all there is for me why should I bother waking up in the morning? I've spent my whole life playing second best and I can't deal with it anymore...my family is going camping this weekend, I'm seriously considering going for a long walk and never coming back. They won't miss me anyway. They keep telling me to cheer up, wise up, f**k up, this is the best time of my life and I should be grateful for just being alive. They think I should be happy, why can't I be? And if this is the happiest I'm ever going to be what's the point in being alive? I just seem to get in everyones way. Maybe this place would be better off without the likes of me :sad:
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hey anju, sorry you are feeling so desperate. you won't know your exam results for a few months, why not stick around and wait and see how you did. you never know...

    as for losing your friend, is it that they are moving away? do you see yourself in the same city as them one day?

    being told to cheer up is one of the worst things to say to a depressed person. as if it was that easy! we all know it's not. that's like saying to someone with a broken leg: cheer up.... and asking them to walk without a cast or a splint or anything. you'll find we are much more sympathetic here.

    can i ask if you've been diagnosed with depression? i ask 'cos sometimes having the correct diagnosis can make a difference, in terms of getting other supports in place, like a counsellor or medication, or even a sympathetic social worker or something. just something to think about....
  3. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Dazzle is right on, Anju. People who tell a depressed person to cheer up are clueless.

    You're fortunate to have had someone to love. It can be hard to find love in another person. It probably seems impossible right now, but there's a pretty good chance you'll either find the one you love or find someone else. There's love all around us if we can open ourselves up to it.

    I spent a lot of years behind a till and enjoyed being good at it, and I enjoyed having interaction with people. You can learn to be content whatever your circumstances are, and still work toward a better life.

    Your family does have a point, that life can be better, though they don't tell you that in the most tactful, loving way.

    You have some work ahead to get to the place where you are at peace, where you can see how you would be missed, where you can care about yourself. Lots of hard work and time, but it can be done with some help from others.

    You are in our thoughts.

  4. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    I know the feeling. In my case, Im loosing the only person I love and keeps me from doing it, she is leaving, and also, she doesnt love me. :sad:

    I just hope somehow things will be better for you.
  5. Anju

    Anju Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry to hear that :sad: I hope you can find someone else if she does leave.

    middleofnowhere, I really hope you're right about the whole it can be done thing...but I dunno...it just doesn't seem like it right now = /

    And yeah dazzle is too right about telling people to cheer up, if it was that simple why would there be depressed people? Hmm....
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