Hi, For the first time in my life, I picked up the phone and called a suicide prevention center. I don't want to say this but a guy who I spoke with was absolutely in no shape or form trained to console me. I don't think he was even 16. I'm grateful that there was someone on the other side of the line but this was not what I had expected at all. So I don't know whether this forum is any help. I'm at the end of the rope and have been crying for so many days that I can't even feel my face. I am in a dire situation and I just don't see how I can help myself. Here's my story: I've always had sever anxiety in certain situations which prevented me from obtaining a job after graduating from college. I spend some time looking for a job but couldn't find any. Then I worked for my dad for two years until the economy went down hill. I've managed to scrambled some how in the last 2 1/2 years on my own but never mustered the courage to find a job in my line of study. I'm no longer in position to support myself financially so I asked my parents to move back with them. But ever since I moved out, I've been lying to them about my situation. They've always thought I've had a job so now that I'm moving back, if I reveal my lies, they wouldn't accept me. All I wanted was to hold a job but it's been 5 years since I graduated and with this economy, I don't think anyone wants to hire me--even though I am willing to work with much less. I just don't know what to do. If they find out or I somehow won't be able to find a position, I'll have no other choice to end it all. I have wasted so much of my time over the years. I want to tell them how sorry I am that I've been lying to them and that I have a problem but this is out of realm of possibilities. I'm constantly in the state of euphoria right now. I don't think I would survive this time. All I want is to find a job and who wants to offer a position to someone like me? Who? No job experience, no nothing. What do I do? I am finished. No hope for me. I just want to sleep and never to wake up. I'm trapped. The only way out is to find a cliff. It'll be all over. What have I done? I wasted my life away. I wish I could take it back. Oh dear God help me... I wished there was a way.