And now, I know why. Because I always thought that if I could understand what it was that I did wrong when I was a kid, and what I could do better, then maybe my mother would love me more. And now that I know that, I know I need to try to find more middle ground and not try to understand every little detail of everything. Question is if I can actually do that, though. Middle ground was never my strong suit. Which probably also traces back to her in some fucked up way. Seems as though that's the case with a lot of things.