i seriously dont know how much longer i can go on

[exnurse]

iv just about had it, im not even sure if coming here is helpful or just postponing the inevitable!!! iv been busy all day doing not much as usual as i dont have a job anymore that is since i got out of my pit at about 12 midday, my usual routine, staying in bed, walking the dogs coming home, busy busy busy doing what and what for!! the thing i do like about this site is that i can speak my mind, something i am unable to do to people i know, iv even told the doctor that i feel better on these tablets they have me on. the only thing i like about my tabs is that i have night tabs and they make me sleep, so that i dont have the palpitations and anxiety, which makes me unable to sleep, therefore i think, about tis and that, what i should and should not have done etc etc my childhood was great up until i was 13. 13 the magic age, the age of my doom, my beginning of a life or so called life, full of pretense and betrayl, lies lies lies, to everyone that i know. the only one who knew all my s*** is now dead and gone, hes left me also, i want to be with him again, and i dont think this feeling is ever going to go. i loved him, i still love him, and hes always in my thoughts. roll on death and end this misery