I should be happy, but I just want to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lost?, Sep 17, 2011.

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  1. Lost?

    Lost? Well-Known Member

    I took the GRE (Graduate Record Examination) today. I don't know why, I don't think I'll make it through my senior year of undergrad.

    I did well. I got estimates of what my scores would be on the old system, since the new scoring range isn't quite finalized yet. My score estimates were 670-770 for the verbal and 750-800 for the quantitative. Each section used to be out of 800.

    I should be happy. My roommates are all going out again. I should be going with them, to celebrate or something.

    But I'm not.

    I'm in my room, alone and crying, just wanting to die.

    I hate my life.

    I just want everything to end.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Have you talk to someone hun a councillor a teacher someone hun that can help you deal with the sadness you are feeling. It helps hun to talk okay.
    Ask your doctor perhaps some medication will help as well I am sorry you feel so sad hun please keep reaching out for support here but also in real life hugs:hugtackles::hugtackles:
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I agree with TE...especially during this time, when there is so much additional pressure and so many adjustments, it is important for you to have support and guidance...please be safe and continue to let us know how you are doing
  4. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I don't know about you, but during times when I'm struggling despite doing OK in school, I really crave someone to talk to about how I'm truly feeling.

    I remember when I was a junior in high school. I got very similar scores on the SAT/PSATs out of 800 (in sections) to what you're speaking of (just a different stage in schooling). I think you know what I'm talking about. But yet I felt sad, you know, seeing all the other people.. some who went to church and seemingly had great support systems.. leading carefree lives. Even though it's hard to tell on the outside whether people are doing well, I still felt alone. And in that way, I can relate so much to your situation. Talking to professionals didn't usually help me feel better in the short term, but it felt great to be able to let some of what was going on out of my system. I wasn't having fun during that year. I'm still not having a lot of fun, but I think the experiences with mental health care, although they really stretched me to the limit, were worth it.

    Let us know how your college classes are going when they start (if they haven't already). And I hope that special friend of yours is by your side. You take care of yourself...Alex
  5. Lost?

    Lost? Well-Known Member

    I'm already on meds, for a month now, clearly they don't help much.

    I went to speak with a counselor my first week of class (almost two weeks ago) in an attempt to initiate regular counseling sessions. They told me they'd set me up with someone, but they haven't. Even if they did, I'd probably lie to them anyway to avoid being hospitalized or something.

    I can't bother my friend anymore with my shit. He said he's there if I need to talk, but I've put him through enough already.

    I hate this so much. I feel like I'm never going to be normal again. I just want it all to go away.
  6. Casual

    Casual Member

    Hey there,

    I don't know about your school, but my university's administration leaves much to be desired, however the people who put in their time for counseling and helping students definitely aren't as lackluster. Going to their office/student counseling center and talking to one of the actual therapists or grad students might help you there.

    I understand how you feel about your friend. Recently I've been going through a very rough third year as a Biology undergrad and the stress and lonely, long hours are really wearing me thin. I have a very good friend, and a supporting girlfriend, but I never want to bother them because they're stressed too and I just can't bring myself to make them worry about me...but sometimes it's just better to talk to them anyway. I know that if your friend is truly there for you, he won't care if you put him through hell.

    Your GRE scores are pretty fantastic, why aren't you proud or excited about them?
  7. Lost?

    Lost? Well-Known Member

    I went to see a counselor at my campus health center. They told me they'd set me up with someone I can see on a regular basis, they have not.

    I can't bother my friend anymore, no way. I can't put him through more shit than I already have.

    I really have a hard time being excited about anything anymore. I just feel so empty and alone and I don't want to live anymore.
  8. Anneinside

    Anneinside Well-Known Member

    One month is not enough time to know if a psych drug is going to work. It takes 4 to 6 weeks in most cases. Also, the first med you try may not work. Basically, from what I have read, 30% will respond to a drug while 60% will need to try another drug. This goes for each drug, especially antidepressants. You have to give it time and be willing to try different drugs until you find the drug or combination that work. I hate to say how many drugs I have tried and my first remission took 2 years.

    Keep trying.
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