I'll try to keep this post as short as possible. I'm new to this site...but I've been struggling with depression/suicidal thoughts for over 14 years...they come and go. I'm at a place in my life where, in theory, I should be happy. But I'm not. I can't remember being so miserable and worthless as I do now. I've gone through major changes, moved out of my parents' house and am living in Brooklyn, working on a job I've always wanted. I was with a guy that I was head over heels in love with, only to find out he never felt the same way, but I have to see him almost every day because I work with him and am reminded of what happened and what can never be. Whenever I talk to him (he claims to try to be a friend, and since he's the only person I know up here, I confide in him and tell him how I'm feeling), he tells me that I should be happy with where I am in my life. I know that and it only frustrates me further that I'm just perhaps ungrateful about life. I feel incredibly isolated and I feel like I have no one to turn to that understands me. I have a hard time adjusting to living in an entirely new place and suddenly I find myself having to move to another place again in just a few weeks after living here for two months. It's just too much to handle. I feel it's a silly thing to want to die over, but there's been so many times where I have to just sit and bury my head in my hands and sob, because I'm afraid I'm going to lose it and die. That I'm going to hurt my family back home. I just spend my weekends laying in bed wishing I could vanish.