I Should Be Happy

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by vhanna26, Dec 7, 2012.

  1. vhanna26

    vhanna26 Active Member

    ...but I'm not.

    I was fired from a job a month ago. Didn't think it was fair. Got put on an impossible project with unrealistic goals, and I couldn't make them. I sent resumes, and I lucky enough to get interviews, but only two offers. One is a really crappy job, and the other was contingent on a background check. My credit is not stellar either.

    This afternoon, I go to orientation for the crap job for a few hours. I'm taking the job because I really need the money. My husband works, but doesn't make nearly enough to keep things going. Not sure I will get any unemployment benefits since things have been sent to an arbitrator. I will know in another couple of weeks.

    However, I can do this job, and I will do my best, but I feel like a total loser. I know that I'm lucky to get a job. I have my health and friends (who I cant seem to reach out to), and I'm aware that so many in this forum have been through traumas so worse than me.

    Still I feel bad.

    Tomorrow, some of my friends are meeting for a Christmas dinner. Not sure if I want to go. I don't have much money, and I really don't wish to hear how fabulous their lives are or about their fabulous trips or what fabulous trinkets their husbands brought them.


    Actually, I did get a call from the other job, and I'm too afraid to listen to the message. Maybe later. I'm such a coward.

    Anyway, so glad I can vent here. I've never been a real happy person, and the last few months have been tough. This forum is the only place where I feel that I can express myself.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi i do hope you get the courage to listen to the msg hun I am glad you got a job hun even though it is crappy you have taken it and that is good You will find another job that is better just keep applying while you are working Can you not take you job dismissal to a lawyer and fight it hun. You keep venting ok You are not a coward hun no way you are very strong to get through all this and still you are fighting and carrying on hugs
     
  3. vhanna26

    vhanna26 Active Member

    Thanks. I will try to do the best I can in this job, and continue looking for something better. As far as the old job is concerned, I will see what the arbitrator says. I wish that this news made me feel better, and I could celebrate the holidays with my friends, but I still feel like a loser since I put myself into stupid situations. I really should have done better with my life.
     
  4. BobWV

    BobWV Member

    I can totally relate. My life seems like a series of catastrophic cluster F's. Its like the universe wants me to go through adversity, it seems intentional. But that is all a perception and that can change. At least you can work and hold down a relationship. That is pretty good. I am on disability and alone.

    But I totally relate; it is very hard to explain to someone that even when things are going GOOD why you may still be unable to be happy. And then the guilt comes from not being happy. Like not being happy is doing something wrong.
     
  5. Percarus

    Percarus Account Closed

    Hun... You are indeed fortunate, please do not forget that. I know individuals with many degrees and prestigious credentials who have been unemployed for years without ever the chance to attain a single interview for whatever role or position. I know how it feels to associate with individuals with fabulous lives who in turn had no impediments whatsoever. It seems as hardly fair at all as surely you are the more deserving person in life, but just remember that at least you do have friends that are successful and that directly reflects on you as a person, a good thing. It matters not if you a poor, unemployed, or without the means, at least you are getting another chance are are magically making ends meet which is more than a lot than I can say from many I know. Wow, getting jobs so soon after being fired, I am impressed! Have faith! :)
     
  6. vhanna26

    vhanna26 Active Member

    Thanks for responding. What I do know that pain is pain no matter how good things may seem to people on the outside looking in. I've been blessed and lucky in some ways--really stupid and unlucky in others. This time a week ago, I felt for the first time that I would have killed myself. I have a inborn tendency to be melancholy that I live with, and my thoughts have turned to suicide before, but last week I felt that I would have done it, and I can still feel that fear. It's so hard for me to reach out to others in person, and I'm grateful to this forum for giving me an outlet.
     
  7. vhanna26

    vhanna26 Active Member

    Thanks.

    I've been on this forum for a week, and I know so many here have been through so much trauma that mine may seem trivial in print, but I know the feelings of fear and desperation that drove me to seek out this forum.

    I am lucky to get interviews and a job so soon, but tomorrow, my friends who are doctors and engineers, who have fabulous homes, and go to Europe for vacation and get diamonds from their spouses are having a get together, and it makes me feel like such a loser, living in apartment, working in a call center, needing help for rent. I still don't know if I want to go, because it may just depress me. Then again, behind closed doors, what I see as glitter may not be so much. It's all relative, I suppose, but I'm so glad I found this forum. I'm glad to have someone to talk to.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 8, 2012
  8. vhanna26

    vhanna26 Active Member

    I'm going to need help with January's rent, and I'm scared to ask for, but I'm going to need to do so soon. My husband has been nice through this, but he doesn't get what a mess things are nor does he want to hear what distress I am in. I finally gathered up enough courage to listen to the phone messages about the other job and they need help with the references. I

    I feel scared and alone.