I should be happy

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Cristasphoto, Nov 25, 2008.

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  1. Cristasphoto

    Cristasphoto Member

    Yet I want out
    I buy my toys
    (Cameras, Computer Etc)
    I re united with my family
    nothing really works
    hell I got my noose ready and I might get the guts to go today
    I really have NOOO reason to be here I f ck in HATE living
    I promised myself I didnt want to see being 30 years old
    Ill be 30 next week.
    I tried hospitals programs Pills
    They all fail me or I fail them
    I guess maybe my fate is decided...
    Besides we all must face God sooned or later right.
    I want help but the only help I can see is ridding myself of this body
    Anyways to all those in my life who actually gave a hoot
    I LOVE YOU ALL
    but to those who talked mean to me and hated on me and allowed me to be RAPED in your hospital
    FCK YOU
    Crista
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 25, 2008
  2. Cristasphoto

    Cristasphoto Member

    Sorry if I offended any one Fck it My very being usually offends most of people so really Im not sorry...
    And actually society should be sorry
    Its ok we'll all meet God soon enough.:mad:
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Cristasphoto,

    Please put the noose away:sad:

    Im sorry your feeling so down, whats brought you to this point :hug:
     
  4. Cristasphoto

    Cristasphoto Member

    I just dont want to do i DONt want to be in a hospital.
    And I dont want ruin the holidays
    Yet I fell like om gonna explode on my self...
    It been getting worse and wose since October ish when I said screw it and left a inpatient facility.
    I dunno if they would even let back seeing How I just split. Though They did have the police and my family looking for me.
    I hid long enough to covince my Mom to Unlist me a missing persons
    I regret doing all that now but then it seemd so right to leave.
    Basicaslly I suuck
    Thanks for your reply
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Are you on any medication for your depression :hug:
    I know how hard things can get hun, iv been at that stage before, but it IS possible to get past it :)
     
  6. Cristasphoto

    Cristasphoto Member

    No Im supposed to be as Im Bipolar....
    I know I need my meds but I dont know where to get any other than A hospital.
    Personally I think using a hospital is abuse of services as there are folks like the ederly, Car crashes gunshits etc and Here I come trying hijack services
    Not good Karma I think
    SO I dig deep into my addiction of Photography, shopping buuut still I fell the pain...
    NOTHING WORKS
    Im stuck
    :rose:
     
  7. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    this is my first post on any forum, so sorry if i make mistake
    i wasnt gonna write anything on here, just look around for help because im feeling quite depressed myself, but reading what you said i want to try and stop you from doing this
    it sounds to me that you have had a terrible experience in a hospital and you dont want to go back to get medication
    i dont think anyone can say anything on here to change your mind completely and im sceptical about just how useful this forum is, but i think you have to remember that if you go through with suicide theres no coming back. So i think you should prolong what you want to do, try and get some proffessional help, im sure theres people on here who have help numbers or can tell you how to get one. I think that if you can just try to see help to make yourself feel better or have worth then you might not want to go through with suicide and could feel better. I definetely think its worth trying because once you make the choice you cant go back, and you never know your life could be waiting to turn around...
     
  8. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    It is just as urgent you get what you need as someone who got in a car crash. Are both your lives not at risk?
     
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Christa,
    :poke::welcome:to the forum!! I think you should go back to the hospital. I know it's boring and a pain in the ass because you have rules to follow. Give it a chance. They can evaluate you and get you on a med regiment to help take some of the edge off. They also can set you up with a shrink on the outside and give you names of therapists who can help guide you back on a positive path.
    Give the forum a chance, you will find plenty of others who can relate to what you are going thru. I have been like this for fifteen years and not a day goes by that I don't think about suicide. But I deal with it on a dailey basis. Please seek the help!! Maybe you'll be surprised at how things can look better. One thing that keeps me going is talking on this forum and trying to help others. On the outside world I haven't had any friends for like twenty years. I isolate and keep to my self. This forum has allowed me to speak out and only get crtisized every now and then. Take Care!~Joseph~
     
  10. Cristasphoto

    Cristasphoto Member

    I dont want to mess up Thanksgiving for my loved ones otherwise Im ready I just got to finish setting upmy spot otherwise Ill just fail AGAIN and I look/feel stupid/goofy
    Thanks all I was just REALLY REALLY tired this morning.
    As usually I just suck uo my feeling untill I can gather the courage to go to the next life
    LOve Crista
     
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I don't think you have researched this enough or you would know that when you hang youself it makes your eyes pop out and your tounge swell up so you choke to death from that. Not a very nice way to go!! Please stay with us and give it a chance! I still think you need to go back to the hospital and let them help you!!~Joseph~
     
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