I should die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by morning rush, Mar 18, 2014.

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  1. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    really I'm just a waste of space, I can't work, well a normal job, and I don't make that much money so I can barely make it every month, I already ran out of money and almost food, because damn gluten allergy, gluten free stuff costs so much...I mean I even get help from my mom and grandma, but I feel like such a leech, if I died then I wouldn't be a problem for anyone and I would feel like I'm using people ore being a bother to anyone...

    what kind of life is that? How can people take advantage of others and not feel bad? or be traumatized or anything? I just breathe and I think that I'm cheating on someone else's breaths...

    I wish I was self sufficient and that I didn't need help monetarily and physically...I wish I didn't have to eat...I wish I didn't have my anxiety and depression...I just want to dig a big hole and die...and I'm feeling like cutting might relieve a lot of the pressure I feel...just a little...
  2. 9426

    9426 Member

    I'm in the same boat. I'm on disability because of my many mental health problems and they don't give nearly enough money. Although I'm not allergic to gluten, food is still expensive and I can only afford to go shopping 2 or 3 times a month. I've been trying to find a job for pretty much a year now but can't because I'm young and don't have much experience.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    For experience, if it is only in retail...why don't you try and get a job in a charity shop. I work for 2 charities and while I do support the causes I am doing it aswell to get some experience as I left school at a young age(I'm 25 now). Working for the charities gives me a sense of purpose and occupies the mind too. I am also on disability. Life does not have to be over, you can do courses, work for free to gain experience or even join a trade. Whatever you decide, good luck to you, just thought explaining what I am doing might help you both out.
  4. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I can't get a job, not even volunteer, my anxiety is too intense. It keeps me from sleep and some days I can't do anything at all. I do the community supper here and that drains me so much. Everytime I have a job I can't last more than 2-3months, and I suffer a huge burn out. I"m always tired all the time...otherwise I'd do what you said...
  5. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    What have the doctors said and done for you about this condition? Don't listen to those voices that say negative things... They don't belong to reality & they are not true. Yes, it is very human to feel this way, but it is not your fault! I wish you all the best, morning rush. -mrb:)
  6. someguy24

    someguy24 Well-Known Member

    Man why is it that I find that avatar so annoying? I mean, what is it doing? It looks like an ahole in this forum, like it doesnt belong in a place like this, its like "you are miserable but I am here just dancing happily" lol sorry but I just had to express this
  7. lazyloser

    lazyloser New Member

    I should die too. I set up a nice wife and 3 kids in a decent house but now this is the second job I've been fired from. I went to school for computers but I can't get a decent job doing that either.... Was a total joke and the dumbest guy in my class. Everything is about to collapse and I feel so bad I let my family down. No matter what I do right I will always find a way to mess it up and crush it. There is no therapy or help for me... I don't have any condition or medical problem I am just a loser. I wish there was a quick and easy way to die and my family would not have to suffer.
  8. unionfalls

    unionfalls Well-Known Member

    Morning rush, they do this because they love and care for you. I have had to depend on others financially as an adult as well and that is difficult for me to even say, I do understand your feelings about this. You are wanted here and this breath is yours. Please do not cut, you know that the temporary relief is only temporary. Be good to yourself, others wish to be good to you. I hate the feelings and thoughts I have as well, although I have never cut. Please know that I have heard you and so wish that I could be of some help for you. If you can, try to take on only one thing at a time, when I get ahead of myself I become overwhelmed and desperate, not good.
    Hoping some of your problems ease for you.:hug2:
  9. 9426

    9426 Member

    I actually apply to many different jobs. Retail, general labor, etc. My mom mentioned that I should volunteer, but I can't bring myself to work for free.
  10. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    misterbgone: Well I have meds, my doctor says that I might never have a "normal" job like others. That I should take it easy. He's right I guess. I don't hear voices, just my thoughts are negative. I don't know why I'm so hard to myself.

    unionfalls: thank you so much for your post. It is hard to rely on others monetarily like you said. But I'm trying to think of all the good I do, and the people I help to sort of balance all the negatively thoughts I have of myself. I didn't cut after all. So that's a plus. :)

    lazyloser: I'm sorry you're going through a rough time too :( it is not fun to have all these responsibilities and not able to take care of them...I hope things ease up on you :hug:
  11. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    It's okay! :) I think you're in pretty good shape & certainly a joy to be around around here... Have you ever considered getting a second opinion, professionally? And I meant "thoughts" - sorry about that - I so very often pick the wrong word. Peace! :D
  12. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I had an evaluation in 2006, and in my life I've had 4 psychiatrists and many many many therapists etc...so this psy is the best I've ever had so I know he's telling the truth...he actually talks with me instead of just prescribing meds so...

    thank you :) I always see you comment on my thread and so thank you for that, it helps a lot :hug:
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