i should give up on ever finding someone

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by greenieguy, Nov 12, 2013.

  1. greenieguy

    greenieguy Banned Member

    It doesnt matter to me if im ugly or just too nice either way im sick of it all i dont want some stupid nice guy caption or whatever i get it not that nice anymore because im bitter and also that thing is stupid because first off when the nice guys complain they are deciding not to be nice anymore so they are in the catogory of pissed off guys but tjen your koke wouldnt be funny. Also the other thing is many guys complain about the fiendzone from one girl they liked WITH ME ITS EVERY GIRL
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You may be trying to hard hun just be y ourself a nd when the right person comes along they will see you for who you really are. No one can tell who or what the future hold ok so don't give up hope not yet
     
  3. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member


    im going to play devils advocate here and say... doesnt matter if your "just yourself" both sexes only see the outside and NOTHING else... so unless your one of the beautiful people, you wont meet a soul... this IS the way the world works today so please dont insult my intelligence...
     
  4. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I won't insult your intelligence... Your statement is your opinion, but is possibly flawed in approach. If that was the way the world worked - neither myself nor my partner would be with anyone, let alone with each other. My actual current situation on that front, dispels your opinion, although you are entitled to have it.
     
  5. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    flawed you say? well let me speak from 20+ years of personal experience... been rejected by women since i was 16 and now i am 41... so YES.. its true.. its darn true
     
  6. krazor

    krazor Active Member

    I agree it is flawed. Its your personal experience and maybee you see it as true but many others dont. Im not the best looking of guys im 30 and already bald lol but still i have a gorgeous girlfriend. Its took me 30 years to find her but i finally did.

    Finding the right relationship isnt easy and takes a huge amount of effort but tbh whats the fun in anything unless theres a challenge.

    to the op dont try to befriend anyone you like just make a move ask them out take them on a date. by not allowing yourself to be sucked into a friendzone relationship you will give yourself more freedom to pursue things further. Worked for me :) stay strong keep going and good luck :)
     
  7. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I can relate. Though in my case I don't think it's just a matter of looks. I'm not really that ugly. I'm not really attractive, either, but I've seen worse looking guys do much better than I ever have. In my case I think it's a combination of mediocre looks and a mediocre personality. If I had either one or the other going for me, I could probably be quite successful in the relationship department. But since I don't... well... you know how it goes.

    I honestly think that personality is a much bigger indicator of one's success. I've met some drop-dead gorgeous women that I wouldn't date on a dare, because their personalities were so vapid and obnoxious. I've also seen some hideously unattractive people excel in the dating department because their personalities were just absolutely infectious and larger than life. I don't know how they do it. I'm shy and have social anxiety. Every rejection, every loss, every failure makes me that much more bitter and that much less likable. Eventually it will reach a point to where even therapists will refuse to talk to me. They will pay ME to shut the hell up and leave their office. I hate to say it, but, in spite of modern society's shallow superficiality, likable people will always be likable, no matter what they look like. That usually involves a combination of confidence, wittiness, spontaneity, sense of humor, and "down-to-earthedness". Unfortunately I'm more of the insecure, anxious, stuttering, blushing, lost-in-space foolish type. That's my biggest handicap. Not my big nose, or crooked teeth, or glasses, or bad skin, or greying hair. Those factors just add to my difficulties with women. I like to think of it like I'm playing the relationship game in hard mode. The competition is extremely overpowered, I'm extremely underpowered, and there are no saves or extra lives. I get one chance to do everything perfectly. If I mess up on the first try, it's game over. And since the pressure of knowing that I have to be perfect from the get-go causes me anxiety, and anxiety increases my likelihood of screwing up, I'm pretty much damned from the start.

    @fighting_the_tide, congrats on finding a true connection. Isn't that what we all want? I know it's what I want. I don't suspect I will ever find it, but in a more ideal world, it would be the one thing I would strive for.

    @krazor, what makes you think we all want a challenge? Dammit man, I've spent my whole life working and trying and putting my dignity on the line only to be disappointed and rejected time and time again. I've been challenged since birth. I don't want a frickin challenge. I want a fricken girlfriend. The "fun" isn't in trying to lure her in with exaggerated boasting and lame ass pickup lines. The "fun" is getting to go out with her, hold hands with her, kiss her, all of that stuff. THAT'S the fun. Just like the fun of having a job is not the challenge of working, it's the fun of getting that freaking paycheck. Let's not kid ourselves here. Nobody works for the "joy" of going to a place and slaving away for hours while being told what to do and what a worthless piece of crap you are. I don't enjoy being rejected by women. I don't think anyone does. And I have absolutely no desire to "win over" somebody who has no desire to be with me. I find that whole idea to be absurd. If she "friendzones" me, that means she doesn't want to be with me romantically, PERIOD. End of pursuit, end of discussion.
     
  8. greenieguy

    greenieguy Banned Member

    I dont know what to do? If i hit on the girl she acts all weird and shy and if im friends then its worse. There is nothing in this world for me.
     
  9. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    wish i had words of encouragement for you, but due to almost 30 years of rejection and lies i can only speak from personal experience. anyone else might think there is hope... yea when your between the ages of 20-30... after that your done... im 41 with grey hair and slighty overweight... also i am on SSI and am forced to live with family... tell me what women would find that attractive?
     
  10. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    What do you do when they "act all weird and shy"? DO you retreat and drop it and think she's not interested. Women are naturally shy when a guy expresses their feelings, perhaps try and take it a step further and see what happens, you never know what will result if you just stop judging and analyzing a situtation and just go with it.
     
  11. JMG

    JMG Well-Known Member

    No, I say never give up. It is natural to feel hopeless about this stuff sometimes, and I think when people feel that way they need someone there to let them know that it is ok to feel like that. The important thing is that you don't take it to the far extreme of deciding to do that once and for all. I go back and forth constantly about whether I should "just give up" on ever finding someone or not, but ultimately because of how many great things that can be had in relationships when you are with someone who is good, I will always have hope that I may one day find them.

    It is quite hard being a woman to have much true confidence with this because ultimately I think we are judged so much more often on looks rather than personality. It seems if the looks aren't outstanding then it's usually automatically expected that the personality be outstanding. That definitely bothers me a lot because that is so completely unfair. I do not do that with men at all. I don't care if he has only moderate looks AND personality, the thing I care about most is that the man is nice, sincere and willing to make an effort with the relationship in both what he says AND what he does.

    If men truly were like that about women just a tiny bit I can pretty much guarantee that I would not only have one right now, I'd have many wanting me. Too bad that the majority in this society are too twisted to have such values when it comes to what they are looking for though. They tell themselves so many lies they just can't even begin to see the truth in terms of just how hurtful and foolish they are being by going after what they do. Very tragic if you ask me.
     
  12. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I have given up on finding someone. I worked really hard in the last few years going out and making an effort, even accepting friendship, but no one ever seems to care to have time or build one. I'm a normal, nice, person, but for some reason I'm the one standing alone in the end pursuing and calling them only to be rejected or ignored. I'm a woman too. You would think guys have a hard time. I'm not that bad looking in my opinion. I am intelligent and am honest and don't play games, but I guess there are too many fish in the sea.
     
  13. greenieguy

    greenieguy Banned Member

    I think the whole girls get judged on looks more isnt true. Every party ive been to my good looking buddies got drunk and hokked up with girls below their level. However i didnt see any drunk hot girls go after me.