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i should just do it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by guage, Mar 19, 2013.

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  1. guage

    guage Well-Known Member

    I've given myself a time frame to let meds work. But fuck, maybe it was set to far out. I want to just not wake up next time I doze off . It getting ridiculous . I just want it over already. Fuck the meds fuck the docs. Holy fuck why will my heart not fail or something. Why do I keep opening my fucking eyes. Two months out and it seems like years. I have to try and stay awake for 120 hours drug free so I might be able to sleep through me yelling at myself . Fuck shut up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  2. yep

    yep Well-Known Member

    Hello guage
    You seem very distressed, can you say what is the most upsetting thing for you right now?
    You are not alone. We are here to listen and support you during this crisis.
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Hi gauge, I'm sorry that you are struggling with this. When someone has hit rock bottom, if definitely feels impossible to get back up out. How long have you been trying meds? YOu say "two months out," so I'm curious if that is how long it has been. I know most meds take a long time to start showing effect, and often have to be changed multiple types (both by type, combinations, and dose) before the right thing is hit. It is a shame that it is not more like other types of medication... antibiotics for an infection, for instance, the doc will say x-amount of days and you should be cured. Unfortunately, the depression type medications are not that precise (yet). What other forms of support are you currently seeking? Do you know of any peer support groups you could look into?

    I heard once that the harder one struggles, the sweeter the eventual outcome. I don't see that as true as a definite, but sometimes theoretically it can hold some value in thought. I hope you'll struggle on and hit upon the positive solution. You have friends in peers here who understand where you are at and sometimes knowing we are not alone in how we feel can give some strength to pave forward.
  4. guage

    guage Well-Known Member

    Been trying new med combos for a year. Two months till my deadline. No I can't put my finger in one thing since there are so many that have compiled over the years. Just tired of waiting for nothing to change , or I could be sedated and locked in a little padded room , Yea no thanks , been there done that. NEVER AGAIN !!!
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    or you could go to hospital and get stabilized where you are safe and won't harm yourself and get the support you need the therapy you need until you feel well
  6. guage

    guage Well-Known Member

    Yea thats kinda the other provlem. If I stayed at the sanitarium until I felt better I would have spent the last thirty years there. Some people might be ok with that but I'm not by a long shot. Well thank you for your time T E , and I get the point . So I won't waste anyone else's time in here . It was nice to be able to have some kind of release without fear of being made to be silenced. Well Thankyou all , who have given any amount of support , I apologize for wasting precious space and time with my ramvlings. I hope others don't feel that they are persecuted by not committing themselves and being drugged so heavilythey become vegetables. Thankyou again and I wish you all the best of luck on getting any support that you need.
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