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I should know BETTER

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I have been in and out of crissis centers since I was 17 years old I am now 30 I left home when I was 14 thinking the grass was greener on the other side of the fence well it wasn't I always found the wrong kind of boyfriends some were more abusive than others always physical but I always got out and found help but 6 years ago I found the man of my dreams he swept me off my feet so polite always thinking of me and how I felt then 2 years later I married him then things changed he got physical I went to the cops we were seperated for 6 months about 2 years ago then we reconsiled we went to councelling together then that stopped and now it seems everything is verbal I have been called every name in the book. I have been off work for 3 years on W.C.B so I don't make much money at all and that seems to be a big issue my husband works in the oilpatch so you can imagine what he makes well I make about $500 a month but I am suppose to pay half the bills plus pay my own gas which would be fine but we live about 40 min out of town and half the time I am doing things for him so money is always held over my head. I am always told I am stupid can't remember anything wich I have always had a good memory I can remember so much that my sisters and brother have said so but to him I don't remember anything when we are infront of other people and I bring something up I am told it didn't happen like that or you don't know what the ___ your talking about...It could me infront of his family or mine and even my 12 year old son. For the past few months things seem to be getting really bad I at times wish I wasn't even around It can be a refreshing feeling at times and a very disturbing one at the same time....

I wish you would just hit me like before as the bruises would go away but these word you yell at me or can so calmly say to me hit me in the heart more than you can think....


Honestly I had wondered is stuff was going on again.. I wish there was something I could do.. just know I am here for you if you need in any way... your secret(s) are safe with me.
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