I Should Not Be Here

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Forgotten_Man, May 25, 2010.

  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Sorry to all of you out there who have actually suffered some kind of actual wrong. I apologize for trying to advise you when I have no idea what these experiences are like. I am sorry all I can say is you have to keep walking. I am sorry for trying to feel pain I could never imagine.

    I feel so out of place on this forum. Most everyone here has a legitimate reason to be depressed. Some of you were raped, others cut, others have eating disorders, others have documented medical conditions, some are poor, some are jobless, the list goes on and on. Then You have me what is my problem? Fuck it is not even worth mentioning. I come here seeking support when I can truly say most everything is my fault. The only thing that happened to me was some bullying back when I was in elementary school. Well over 10 years ago. That may have caused some of my problems but it is hardly a reason to want to kill myself. By the standards of what I have read here, my life has been a perfect happy life.

    I guess that is one of my problems, I need to feel worthy. I need To feel like I have a right to be miserable or to be happy. The fact that I do not have one makes me even more depressed. People tell me that depression does not discriminate. I know it doesn't, however, when I come up here and read about people living in abusive situations or people getting raped and having flash backs or people ODing. I cannot help but feel like I have no right. When I can list off isolation as my only problem from my past, which was my fucking choice, I feel like I do not belong. I feel like I only come here for attention.

    I am sorry I waste so much forum space with my petty problems. Maybe I should just stop coming to places like this. Maybe I should just quit. I don't know maybe I should just die. I have a better life than a lot of people here. I am just scum for wanting more or not being happy.
     
  2. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    You're just in the right place to vent!
     
  3. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    And nobody can judge your pain, whatever you've been through.
     
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    That seems like all I do is vent. All I do is cry while I don't do anything to make it better.
     
  5. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    There's a time for everything.
     
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    hey FM...your problems are as real as anyones here.....only different....you have as much right as the rest of us to be here......nobody comes here because they're ok....if you feel the need to take your life then you need to be here......
    I hope you stay and keep getting support....:hugtackles::smile:
     
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @Scully: I just wonder when my time and place will come to be happy or to feel Like I really belong here.

    @IV2010: My problem is that I should be OK or at least able to get better or hell take advice. Why should I be here? Like I said the answer is one that throws me into a deeper depression.
     
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    if you're depressed you need to be here......don't beat yourself up over whose problems seem worse...
    I think you belong here....
     
  9. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @IV2010: Why do you think I belong here?
     
  10. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    You know, I wonder the same thing. It took me time to understand I belonged here. Even recently I felt like I didn't belong here. But that's right, if you're depressed you belong here. And even only if you like the place, you belong here.
     
  11. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    because you are depressed and talking about taking your own life.....and even if you start to feel better you offer some good advice so you could still stay here to do that...
     
  12. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    In many ways I should take my own life, what purpose do I have to be derpessed?
     
  13. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way. I feel I should not be here in this life. I'm this useless, unimportant, actually bother in some people's life, that should be destroyed. The depression is killing me. Life is killing me and I just can't take it anymore.
     
  14. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @yous: I try not to think about how I am just the pity friend in most peoples lives. That only makes things worse.
     
  15. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    It's impossible to help it. You can just see it by the looks on their faces or their actions. You can't help but feel like dirt. Even after all the effort you put into it.
     
  16. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Hmm I guess I have always turned a blind eye to it.
     
  17. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I feel invisible. Existing just makes it worse. Everything and everybody would go on just fine if I wasn't here. I really believe this. I even thought it through carefully of the lives I would effect, and believe me, I wouldn't effect anyone's life. They would go on just fine.
     
  18. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    That makes you and me both. I am hardly a part of anyones life that cannot be replaced with someone else.
     
  19. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    You know I was just thinking the other day. Do people mean to be mean just for the sake of being spiteful? Do they have any idea the destruction they are doing?? Do some people not understand human etiquette and humanity? I don't get it. I met a person one time. They told me if they felt sorry for every person they ever met, they would go insane. So maybe people program themselves like this. To not care about anyone but to the point they cancel everyone and keep on themselves and those who would get them the power and corruption they need.

    Is it evil thinking this way?
     
  20. kitanai

    kitanai Well-Known Member

    if you came here you belong >,.,< i need friends cause i always feel alone '' hugself''