I shouldn't have waited this long (triggering)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GhostOfYou, May 14, 2007.

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  1. GhostOfYou

    GhostOfYou Well-Known Member

    (probably not so triggering...not sure)

    I should have killed myself before all this shit started. I can't belive I let it go on like this for so long. I can't belive I let this happen.

    First off, I would have posted this thread sooner, like Thursday, but I havn't been in a place where I've had internet.

    So basicly, I think this shit has gone on long enough.
    Yeah, I've been holding on for a few friends, but this just...err...

    It's a long story. 1 month ago I cut too deep again and ended up in the ER. Basicly, my options were to get locked up or start therapy.
    My mom got into this state program where we can get free therapy.

    I had my first appointment last Thursday, and it went...let's just say, I thought it would go bad, but I didn't know the meaning of the word "bad". You wouldn't know the meaning of the word "bad" untill you've sat through what I sat through that day.

    I was going to quit therapy, but I can't. It's this or an institution. So I was going to try locking myself in a room and refuse to go...but that's just immiture and childish. This is pointless!!

    Fuck it, I should have killed myself before any of this happend. Now I don't know where to go or what to do.. :sad:

    Last edited by a moderator: May 14, 2007
  2. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    We can try to help. What's wrong?
  3. GhostOfYou

    GhostOfYou Well-Known Member

    :sad: I just can't deal with it any more. The depression, the suicidal...ness...shit. I've tried everything except drugs really. SH, a bit of drinking, you name it.

    And now this comes up...I just can't go through with therapy and this is my only option. :sad:

    I don't know...I guess maybe just a little advice on where I should go from here..
    Last edited by a moderator: May 14, 2007
  4. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Sure, I know, but what happened that made it that way?
  5. Wiseblood

    Wiseblood Member


    Why did you cut yourself in the beginning? What pain brought you to that point?

    Tell me a little about you, so i can try and understand where you are right now?

  6. GhostOfYou

    GhostOfYou Well-Known Member

    :sad: I don't know. I've been depressed since I was 11...so, for 3 years and after awhile I started not being able to deal with it. I've tried everything...cutting, buring, pills, suicide attempts...I just don't know any more. It seemed to have come from nowhere, depression and all, and it never went away.
    Family problems are getting better now, we're getting some money in and all, so I don't know why I'm still feeling this way...

    At the moment, I was angry. I used to only cut when I was mad, depressed or kinda...numb, I guess is the way to explain it. =/
    But I kinda got addicted to SH and it completly took over my life.
    I'm sorry, I just don't know what to say about myself...I'm just such a mess and don't know how to explain it. You guys are really great people to put up with me, trying to help when I don't know how to explain the problem :tongue:
    thanks you guys
  7. missybaby

    missybaby Active Member

    Ghost of you they sent me to therapy less then a year ago and yours sounds about as bad as mine... i refused to keep going to him and i never slept b4 i went for days then i wouldnt half the time go i made up some excuse to not have to be near him....can i make a suggestion to you try asking for a woman shrink or if you already have one ask for another one!Just explain to them whoever that you really harent comfortable talking with this person and you would like to try a different therapist because if you dont then itll get so bad you will do whatever it takes to not put yourself threw that again by being there....If you need to rant,scream,cry or whatever them PM and i am here to help...its really hard to deal with things with someone who has never dealt with it or is impathetic to your situation ...and in this century its rare to find someone who really does understand who is suppose to be in this field..

    Please PM me if you need to or add my to msn or whatever...Please dont try to deal with this on your own...i wont judge you and i am a good listener so please dont shut me out.TALK TO ME IM HERE FOR YOU
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