I shouldnt Still Love you.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Aimee_in_Wonderland, Jul 10, 2009.

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  1. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    After everything my uncle put me through i shouldnt still love and care about him.. but i do.. and i wish i didint.. if i could take back that one sentance i said before he killed himself he wouldnt have ,mod edit-gentlelady-methods> i wish i could forgive him for what he did to me... and i honestly wish he would forgive me for saying that... i know im not the one in the wrong but

    i still care so much and maybe i think if id thought about what i was doing.. i should never have told him and he would have paid the price for what he did and not walked away scott free while im left to deal with this the rest of my life.

    Everyone who knows keeps telling me to hate him... i should hate him for the years of abuse... but i dont i just cant.. what the hell is wrong with me? to still love someone after they put me in my own personal hell that i have to deal with by myself each and everytime its always there never sleeping.

    why cant i just hate him... and be glad that he decided to kill himself? by doing that he stopped everything... everything but my memory.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 10, 2009
  2. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    hun it's not your fault her killed himself - it's his. noone else can take responsibility for that - he know what he was doing.
    it can be hard to hate family, even after what he did to you there may still be a bond there, however much you don't want it to be.
    i think, right now, what you need most is to try and sort yourself out and stop worrying about this. you should try and get help hun, do you have a therapist you can talk to?
  3. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    i had a bad experiance with one a few years ago. so im not keen on going to seen therapists when its still freash in my mind of what was said the last time i struggle to tal to people face to face who i havent known for a long time
  4. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    It's weird hun but we just do! I cant tell you why because I don't know why. I'm sorry I'm no help but I just wanted to let you know that it's normal to still love the person who abused you when they are family. Just as it's normal to hate them too :(
    Don't beat yourself up over it, you are the blameless one :hug:
  5. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    i know it can be hard talking to people you don't know, but you'll get to know them, and the key is to find one that you click with and can trust, unlike the one you had before - please keep trying. or if not, you have us here :smile: remember that xx
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Hating him for what he did would not help anything. It is okay to still love him. Just because you love him does not mean you approve of what he did. His choice to suicide was not your fault even if you did say some things he didn't want to hear. He had many options available to him. The choice was his and his alone. You mention having a bad experience with a therapist so you are hesitant to go back. Finding the right one is very important. Therapists differ just as much as people. You cannot judge them all on the actions of one. It would be helpful to you to have someone help you sort through your feelings. It is a difficult thing to do alone. You need someone who can view things from the outside and offer solutions from another viewpoint. Thank you for your courage in posting here. It is a huge first step. :hug:
  7. Necromanti

    Necromanti Well-Known Member

    I read some of your other posts about the absolutely atrocious things he did to you, and they were nothing but unforgivable.

    It would leave ANYONE severely traumatized.

    However, no matter how much you hate someone for what they have done to you, it is more than understandable to not be happy when someone is dead.

    He was still your uncle, and considering the actions that led up to his death, there was NO way in HELL that you could have ever predicted what would have happened. You were standing up for yourself, considering what you were going through.
    That in itself, despite how damaged you were and were unable to cry out for help to anyone, was courageous. You had enough, and didn't want to go through it anymore. How he reacted was his decision, and as you are clearly showing here, you never wanted him to die.

    I honestly have no words to say about the things that you went through, that no one should have to go through. You're a survivor. The fact that you don't harbor hate in your heart is a good thing. Hating him will only damage you. You should never, ever have to apologize for taking a stand against what you were going through.
  8. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    Out of everyone who has replied not that i am not greatful for their advice. and support.
    your the only person who has honestly made any sense
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