I So Badly Want To Be In the Hospital

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by fromthatshow, Dec 12, 2008.

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  1. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm looking at a place called Silver Hills hospital http://www.silverhillhospital.org. Watch the "take a tour" it looks like a great place :laugh:.

    Last night was the worst night of my life. My entire body was tingly/numb, I couldn't feel anything. I was wobbling. I couldn't breathe. I thought I was going to die. I want to die, to have this end. I think I'm going through something major.
    I've told every doctor that I've met that I want to be some place LONG-TERM and they all say that's not really a possibility. This place at least I think has a transitional living program and they say patients sometimes go from transitional living back to inpatient as needed. I want to go away for a LONG time! I need to be around professionals for a LONG time!
    My next psych appt isn't until fucking January 14th!, and that was only after we rescheduled from Feb. 4th! I can't fucking wait that long!

    I have never been more scared in my life. I was an inpatient once for 8 days before, and was not ready to leave. I want to go into the hospial, and leave when I'm fucking ready!
    I REALLY hope this place is covered by my insurance, or that there is some way in heaven that this fucking works out.
    I am really scared :cry:

    If I end up in a hospital (hopefully), I'll let you guys know :grouphug: I love you all so much :wub: :heart:
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 12, 2008
  2. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    im really sorry spencer, im sorry they wont help you in the way that you need.. im here for you even tho im so far away, im with you, beside you, holding your hand.. please dont be scared. i luv ya, i dont want to lose ya hun... im here if you want me.. :hug: :hug:
  3. ripper///

    ripper/// Guest

    hey spencer , just wanted to say I'm experiencing something similar at the moment. Just terrible waves of sick anxiety, unable to breathe, unable to concentrate, unable to sleep. I was at the doctors the other day and couldn't string a sentence together.
    I know what you mean though, just wanting help, because you're scared and you don't want to die, but no one seems to listen, or they have their own issues, or there's always something more important going on. I was nearly admitted a few weeks ago but the doctor thought that I wasn't bad enough and it might have a negative effect on me.
    I think you're an incredibly strong and giving person, trying so hard to get better. And I KNOW you can do it. I hope you can get into the hospital and get all the help you need. You're wonderful and I want to meet you in ten/twenty years or so, this wise buddha like person,all calm and contented and at peace hehe. No seriously I know you have faith in a lot of things, it's a great gift to have that passion.
    lovelovelovelovexoxoxoxoxoxox lol :hug: good luck :heart:
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I so want to meet you in 10/20 years too! And I could see myself as a "buddha like person" definitely :laugh:

    you're wonderful Elizabeth thank you
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Spencer :hug:

    You know I'm always here for you anytime you need me. We've just spoken about this, so all I have to offer here is :hug: and lots of them :cuddle2: :arms: :hug: :cuddle2: :grouphug:

    I hope feel better soon darling xxxxx Lynn
  6. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    will it get better :cry2:
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    A part of me still thinks that you're going through a spiritual crisis spencer. If going to the Silver Hills hospital will help you, then I hope that you get into it. I think some soul searching might do you better though. I hope that things improve for you. :hug:
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Many times hospitals like these need some type of referral. I hope you are able to get the help you need, Spencer. Whether it be through inpatient services or the tremendous support given to you by friends and family that care for you so deeply. :hug:
  9. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I hope you get the help you need Spencer. It's sad that the mental health service is so crap these days :( :hug: Let us know what happens.
  10. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I will.
    Thank you Lena :heart:
  11. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    You'll want out of there after being in for 3 days. Trust me.

    Doctors treat you like shit, they feed you garbage, and you'll meet people who really need to be there and realize... why the hell am I here?

    At least that's how it was for me.
  12. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm sorry you had a bad experience Rosernot.
    I was there for 8 days and was not ready to leave, but unfortunately places don't really keep you long-term. They want you an outpatient, which was never very helpful for me.

    Actually, I met someone in the hospital who I ended up living with for a month and we're still really good friends :giggle:

    Some of the nurses I couldn't believe got into that line of work and some were extremely sweet and caring. Same with the doctors. Hit and miss.

    The thing is I'm not in "immediate danger." I want to be there as a pre-emptive strike I guess. Some nights are so scary that I could see myself ending it to get away from such scary feelings/sensations. I want to get to a point in my life where I know I can handle those situations, and I'm not there. But the hospital is for those who would otherwise kill themselves that same night I guess.
  13. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    you have my number silly

    don't forget that.
  14. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Whatever you do in the hospital---never go for vegetarian diets Yuck!

    The eggplant was like brown slime.
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