i started again

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by boogeyman, Aug 22, 2006.

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  1. boogeyman

    boogeyman Guest

    i havent been on here in awhile
    i keep gettin deeper and deeper in to my deprasion(ya i cant spell sorry)
    ne ways.......i havent cut in along time but i stated up again the other night and now my thigh looks like a wild animal attacked it
    i have a theripist whos ok shes good but everytime i try to make an appointment i havent gone........i decided maybe i should start gettin my act together since i turn 18 in 4 months....but i started over whelmin myself by doin everything at once and now i wanna quit.........................i have friends who lean on me for support all the time yet i feel as though i have no one
    ..........wen i first got deppressed and shit i dragged everyone down and never thought bout how they were feelin.......no its happenin to me..karmas a bitch..............i wake up in the morning after a night of dreamin bout dope.............i get told to stop smokein and doin drugs yet from the same person comes home after a night of doin it herself.......after movin from fosterhome to treatment centers to my moms..it gets tirin.....i went from a place were i felt excepted and could be a kid not the mother.....were i didnt get told everyday that the way i feel isnt right..that me bein gay isnt right..that im too young to feel the way i do..........i cant reach out and tell my theripist im scared ...that im waitin for my acoholic dad to go off on me.....that im sick of bein blamed for everything that happens at home....if the house isnt clean.....then on top of it tryin to getinto skool..im still a kid shouldnt my mom help wit gettin me bak into some high skool but no i have to do that and a whole other things.......im sick of not bein able to say how i feel cuz then my mom cries and my dad yells at me...so i hold it all in then i go off...i started hittin my self...then wen i tried to cook i purposely let the grease and oil burn my arm......im scared to reach out for help..cuz i wont be able to hear the end of how i feel fucks up everything.......my aunts still talk crap bout me to my face cuz i went to the mental hospital............im paranoid bout everything and im soo sick of pushin my self...its like im not sure if im real or if ne thing is ne more.....i just wanna hid in some hole but no i push my self and i feel like a zombie most of the time...i feel like im barried soo deep inside of me and the person who keeps me goin really isnt me.....im sick of shakin and im not so sure ne more if its from the dope or im soo desterbed i dunno............................im just soo bla
     
  2. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    call upon the name of Jesus whenever you feel like doing drugs. just do it. the word of God says you are more than a conquerer.
    all those friends of yours need you for support. don't leave them. please dont' let them down.
     
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